


Weeping for the Storm

by TardisCrew



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adversity;, F/M, Hope;, Longing;, Tenth Doctor Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisCrew/pseuds/TardisCrew
Summary: The Doctor is known by the Daleks as the ‘Oncoming Storm’ but now the storm is destroying him.  With his strength so depleted he can no longer regenerate, he is in a desperate situation.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 42
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Under normal circumstances he would speak his mind but, with a weapon to his head, silence was golden and obedience was essential. He was surprised they didn’t outright shoot him judging by the fury on their faces. But the odd thing was he didn’t really remember what he had done to make them want to kill him. All he knew for sure was that he tended to get into these kind of situations.

Shoved against the bars of a prison cell while they unshackled him, he was then hurled inside the cell. Looking around he sensed there was no one else nearby in other cells. Weary to the bone he sank down on the pallet, trying to remember how he came to be here. Hell he’d be happy just to remember where here was and who he was. He should know that but he didn’t. Maybe he would dream again of the pink and yellow girl. He wondered if she was someone he knew or just someone he made up in his fever dreams. Maybe he would remember tomorrow.

Rose stood at the console, dressed with utilitarian requirements in mind - bigger on the inside pockets for food, water, weapons and items of bribery. He’d left her and his beloved TARDIS behind but it wasn’t because he wanted to leave them. It was his growing madness, his fear he would hurt them. It had started gradually. The first time the storm had come over him his boiling anger had been justified and afterwards she’d been able to calm him easily enough. But in the weeks that followed the incidents increased in frequency. Each time he’d return exhausted and sleep for days. Then one day she saw and heard his madness. 

From his place on the sofa in the library he warned her. “Never be afraid of the rage that is fire, for my fire burns hot and dies fast. After such an inferno you will be able to walk over the cold ashes to my side and I will be nothing but cooling water for you. Should you ever find my rage cold, a frozen fury that burns - be miserable. For I can only be that way with those who aren't in my hearts and to get there from where you are now means you turned traitor. So Rose, be schooled by the flame so that you never know the torment of the ice.”

Even now that memory gave her a chill and it still weighed heavily on her. The Doctor didn’t speak like that plus the implied threat made the incident all the more alarming. She didn’t know how to help him and even though she told him how worried she was, he was increasingly distant and when he returned to the TARDIS he sometimes slept for days. 

It wasn’t just his state of mind either. Physically he was gaunt and listless as though each time he was overcome by the raging storm more and more of his strength was sapped. She was terrified he might not have the energy to regenerate if she couldn’t find a solution.

One night she waited until he left the TARDIS and then followed him. He stood on a hill overlooking a small city. It was as though she could see his hearts turn to stone and fury rise from his mid section to his chest. His fingers coiled into fists as the blood rose to his cheeks. The term anger, barely even touched the tip of the volcano that he so clearly was in that moment. Clouds and howling wind and lashing rain swirled around the city resembling a forming hurricane. What had this city and these people done to inspire his wrath?  
As she watched she noticed something. He may have created the storm but now he was struggling to prevent it from consuming the city below. She was sure of it! She was close enough to feel the increased pressure radiating from him that slowly pushed the storm off. It probably explained his exhaustion. For the first time, she wondered if the Doctor’s ability to call the storm was being triggered, against his will, by an external force.

Rose left her hiding place wanting to get back to the TARDIS before he returned. He would collapse asleep and she would scan him. Hopefully the TARDIS would tell her what the scan meant and what to do about it.

That night she’d stayed up all night waiting for the Doctor but he did not return. Frantic to find him, she used the monitor to ask the TARDIS to locate him. He’d left the planet! He must have paid for passage off planet but to where? She made a vow then. She would never stop until she found him, never! And she knew she had to move now. 

With her hands on the TARDIS console she had begged the great ship to follow her pilot, to light up the levers and buttons she needed to press or pull and take her to him. Luckily the Doctor had removed his ship’s collar long before, leaving her free to choose, so she allowed Rose access and besides, she wanted her pilot back too.

Worried the Doctor’s luck was running out when they were unsuccessful finding him on the first three planets, the TARDIS had landed on a fourth. Unlike the previous three planets, this one had no reports yet of unusual weather phenomena and the TARDIS sensed him here. 

Stepping out of the ship Rose looked around. Ahh, figures he’d be in a prison! Undeterred she headed towards it with a determined stride. Nothing would stop her from getting inside. 

It took weeping, sobbing, holding the hand of the prison warden and a tearful explanation of her dearest friend being ill, not a criminal, before the warden allowed her to visit the Doctor. That and a flawless ruby gemstone bought her an hour’s access to the Doctor.

She was surprised when they let her in the cell but thank gawd because the Doctor was in bad shape. His face was grey, gaunt, and the skin over the bones of his face seemed like tissue paper. Perhaps they let her in cuz they figured he was close to death. She hurried to him. Folding down beside him, kneeling on the floor, she took his hand in hers and kissed his palm.

Clutching his hand she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “Doctor, it’s me Rose. I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I’ve come to take you home.”

Not knowing if she was reaching him, she embraced him rocking him in her arms. She told him she would never leave him or give up trying to make him well again.

So weak and frail he was and Rose was terrified whatever had twisted and distorted him had driven him past his tipping point, that he might die and not be able to regenerate given his depleted state. His rage held all the power of an inferno and she’d seen the terrible storm roaring in his eyes ready to destroy everything that crossed his path.

Even in his desperately weak state, the Doctor was struggling like a man drowning to break through the surface of the water. Dimly aware of a pressure on his chest he lurched in fits and starts to consciousness. His eyes fluttered with the pain of the light. He wondered if he was still dreaming but he could feel an embrace and then he was stunned by the stranger holding him and weeping. She looked exactly like the girl in his dreams.

Rose, he remembered her name was Rose.


	2. Chapter 2

Thinking he was dehydrated, Rose rummaged in her pockets for bottled water thanking the gods that protected time travelers from body searches. Gently she lifted his head and put the bottled water to his lips. He drank, bit by bit, but he drank the full bottle.

Doubting he’d eaten much she drew out several energy bars the TARDIS told her he would need to replenish enzymes important to Time Lords. Breaking a piece off she lifted his head again begging him to eat. He struggled to sit up but couldn’t so she used his arms to drag him to sitting position and propped him against the wall.

His eyes fluttered open and he croaked, “You are Rose?”

“Yes, Doctor,” she smiled. “I’m your Rose. Please eat. You need to get your strength back.”

He did eat. Hesitating at first, as if remembering how to chew, but he was hungry and before long she ripped the wrapping off another energy bar which he ate before asking for more water. In all he ate five energy bars and drank another bottle of water. 

At last she saw the ancient intelligence in his dark eyes. He was aware again but she wondered how much he remembered. She kept firm hold of his hand hoping it would help ground him. She knew he recognized her but how much did he remember their life together?

“Rose,” he whispered hoarsely, “I thought I knew who I am but I don’t.” 

Her heart clenched at the anguish in his eyes. But there was hope in his self aware question too. Still she struggled not to cry at the bewildered sadness in his eyes. She would not let him down now when he needed her help the most.

“Doctor,” she pleaded, “I need you to listen to me now. I know who you are. You are a good man, a hero to so many. Whatever has happened to you is not your fault. Either you’re sick and we need to find the cure or you are being triggered by something or someone!”

“Rose,” he rasped, his eyes drifting closed, “I’ve lost control of myself.” His voice was weak and strained, absent the certainty she was used to relying on. “You have to take me somewhere I can’t hurt anyone and leave me there.”

“No,” Rose vehemently insisted, “I followed you, saw you draw the storm and then struggle to prevent it from hurting the city in the path of the storm! You’ve got to listen to me! Something is triggering you. So far you haven’t actually hurt anyone! But, each time, you get weaker and weaker. Doctor, I’m scared you don’t have the strength to regenerate!”

He was still exhausted and his eyes drifted close. “Would that be so bad Rose?”

With a sob Rose pulled him to her whispering, “I would miss you so much Doctor! Please, don’t give up! You never give up! Right now you’re beat down and exhausted but I’m gonna get ya better and then we’re gonna figure this out!”

Rose didn’t see the fatalism on his face as she clutched him to her. Pointing out the obvious he whispered, “I can’t control it. Whatever the cause, I’m not in control. You have to leave me Rose.”

“No!” Rose spit out. “I’m not leavin’ ya. So get that through yer head. Think Doctor! Wake up that big brain ya hear! Is there a way to stop the storm from even startin’? Like some way we can suppress your strength enough ya can’t draw the storm but not so much you can’t figure out what’s happenin’ to you?” 

Seeing her determination he considered the possibility there was something triggering him. In the end it was Rose’s determination to rescue him that caused him to relent. She had to get out of here and wouldn’t go without him. The least he could do was try. 

“Alright Rose,” he gave in, “ I suppose I could be safely contained within the TARDIS while I try to figure out if I’m ill or being triggered, as you say. But, I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to crawl out of here.”

“Good,” Rose pronounced as she stood from her sitting position.

Half sitting on his prison pallet he watched her, confused why she wasn’t worried. 

But Rose had planned ahead and she would not be thwarted. 

“Alright then Doctor, guess we need ta get ya ferried outta here. Can I have your sonic for a minute.”

It was all he could do to pull it from his breast pocket and hand it over. He watched her, astonished, as she whipped the sonic dials around and pressed the button. Soon he heard the welcome wheezing of his TARDIS. 

Seeing his surprise, Rose explained, “The TARDIS told me on the monitor what number to use to call her to the sonic.”

Rose heard the running steps approaching. “Alright Doctor, up ya get!” She pulled him up slipping herself under one arm to act as his crutch. They made it inside, closing the doors just as bullets slammed into them. Rose helped the Doctor up the ramp to the console where he took them into the vortex then collapsed on the jump seat.

The TARDIS food was helping him but that was a double edged sword. The stronger he got the greater the risk the storm would come again. It would be better if she left him but he owed it to her to get her home so he waited hoping to find a way to dampen his ability to call the storm. Otherwise they were both at risk. 

“I gotta say you don’t look happy to be rescued,” Rose observed.

She could see it took effort just for him to speak. Her heart lurched when she saw his eyes and the fear there.

“I am afraid Rose,” he said softly, “afraid it will come back, afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Rose hurried to sit beside him. “You would never hurt me Doctor and besides, me and you, we’re gonna get to the bottom of this yeah?”

It was nice to have her sitting beside him, holding his hand. To have someone who wouldn’t give up on him made him want to figure out what was going on with him. But in his hearts, he feared he’d finally tipped into the fire of madness.

“Now,” she enthused, “let’s go to the infirmary ‘kay? I’m not an expert but maybe we do a work up on ya. Like, is any stuff that should be there, not there, or is there anythin’ ya have too much of or not enough of, like a chemical analysis yeah? And, oh, oh,” she remembered, “what about comparing it to your scans when ya were yourself. What d’ya think Doctor?”

“I think it’s a good place to start, Doctor Tyler!” 

He gave her a weak smile and they headed slowly down the corridor together. 

If the storm came again now it would permanently end him. Just as well, he thought, if he couldn’t get her home, Rose could use the emergency protocol and the TARDIS would take her home. In the meantime, she was full of hope and enthusiasm and he saw no harm indulging her ideas. 

Turns out Rose was bubbling with ideas as she announced another suggestion. “I was thinkin’ Doctor, we should analyze what happened before each incident. You remember everythin’ ‘n I’m thinking we should figure out what you were thinking and feelin’ before each incident. It might give us clues what might be triggerin’ you or how you’re being triggered!” 

No doubt about it, Rose Tyler was sure something was causing his problem and she did have good instincts that often proved correct.

“And Doctor, if we don’t find anythin’ wrong with your systems then we investigate if you’re bein’ triggered from an outside source yeah?”.

“All good ideas Rose but our first priority is to figure out how to suppress my ability to call the storm and I should point out each time I was triggered I was inside the TARDIS. An outside source could not do that while I’m in the TARDIS, so this problem is probably my fault.”

Smiling up at him she said, “First off this is our problem, not your problem! Second, ya still coulda been triggered outside the TARDIS like, ya know, some sort of time delay so ya didn’t go all oncoming storm straight away. And I can think of other ways ya coulda been triggered that didn’t show up ‘till you were inside the TARDIS so, no, we can’t dismiss an outside trigger as the cause!” 

“Alright Rose Tyler,” he sighed, “I surrender, as usual.”


	3. Chapter 3

As they walked to the infirmary the Doctor was quiet but he did keep hold of her hand wondering if it was to reassure her or himself. 

Rose was quiet too and when she wasn’t peppering him with questions or teasing him things were not normal and they most definitely were not normal. He was no longer capable of controlling himself but he was fully capable of causing destruction on a scale even Rose could not imagine.

His ability to call the storm was something that deeply shamed the Doctor. Other Time Lords had shown the same ability but they had been few and far between and universally reviled as incapable of proper control. They were seen as mad. It was the one condemnation against him that truly shook him. It filled him with shame.

His companion came from sturdy stock and she had a practical streak that often kept the Doctor grounded. Right now she was preoccupied with all the analyses they had to do because she needed to understand them all. 

When she was sick the Doctor would work night and day until he got to the bottom of the problem. No detail would escape his attention but he could be less attentive when it came to his own health. 

Picking up the slack, making sure he didn’t gloss over anything that might be a clue, would fall to her and Rose was determined not to miss anything. Since the Doctor had a point about the need to suppress his energy so he couldn’t raise the storm again, Rose wanted to address it straight away. Before she could, he broke his silence. 

“Thank you Rose for coming for me, for rescuing me.” His voice was quiet and contemplative.

Rose stopped dead looking up at him. “Do you really think I would just leave you Doctor? If it took my life time I would never stop looking for you. Don’t you know that Doctor?”

She threw her arms around him and hugged him fiercely muttering, “Ya scared me half to death ya daft alien.”

The Doctor answered by tightening his arms around her. For Rose there was no place as comforting as being safe in his arms but she didn’t know he was holding her to stay upright, afraid his exhaustion might collapse him into a heap at her feet. 

As they entered the infirmary she addressed it head on. “Doctor, I’ve been thinking about what ya can eat so the storm won’t be as strong and so it won’t knock the stuffin’ outta ya if it comes again. ‘Course we know what you eat doesn’t cause the storm but maybe, if we make changes to your diet, you won’t have the strength to generate the storm! I have some ideas on what ya might be able to eat yeah?”

“Go on then,” he encouraged, “I’m listening.”

“Well,” she said excitedly, “the objective is to avoid you starvin’ cuz we need your brain power at it’s best yeah? So I’m thinking, we change your diet so it’s more steady energy, less spiked, like when ya eat three pieces of cake right after a meal! Blimey Doctor, if I did that I’d be big as a house and look at ya, not a smidgen of fat on ya!”

The Doctor was taken by her enthusiasm and it was a theory worth testing even though he had his doubts. He’d been on the same diet for centuries so why was the bloody storm manifesting now, without his direction, but he’d hear her out.

“What do you have in mind Rose?”.

“Well, just like ya tell me all the time, lots of salads and lean meat but ixnay on the sugar and low value carbs like cake! And before you argue, I know Time Lords process bad stuff better, so it’s less harmful, but what we want is level energy that’s not spiking to extreme levels so the storm doesn’t have high levels of energy to get started and keep goin’. So what d’ya think?”

“As good a place to start as any Rose Tyler and I must say it’s reassuring to know you’re listening to my advice on diet,” he smiled. It was the first real smile Rose had seen since she got him back. 

“However, a slight adjustment to your idea is called for, I think. I’ll start out with less than I would normally need. If another storm comes that is not as strong or prolonged, we’ll know my food intake is a factor in the storm’s relative strength. Thus it might buy us more time for investigation.”

What he didn’t voice was his certainty that less fuel in the form of food would just make him more vulnerable, less able to withstand the storm.

Despite his reservations he was pleased Rose stayed with him in the infirmary and helped him take each scan. He was touched by her steady stream of questions about what each scan was testing and how he’d know if it was different when compared to his base line scans. 

Not only that, but she wrote it all down in her notebook marking the scan number, time, day and what he’d eaten, which so far, was only the nutrition bars from the TARDIS. They’d test and compare after each meal to see what effect, if any, from the food he consumed. She also insisted he give her the proper name and spelling of each test and scolded him if he spelled too fast for her to write it down!

Normally Rose didn’t pay that much attention to what he did in the infirmary. On the heart stopping occasions when he’d had to race her here for treatment she had completely trusted him to fix her. He would insist she understand the procedure and agree with it which she would ignore telling him to do what he thought was best.

But now that he was possibly sick she was stuck in, making it plain she intended to help him get better. To her that meant paying attention to every detail from the get-go. Watching her, the Doctor couldn’t help noticing her care for him. It made him feel he wasn’t alone facing this trial. 

Rassilon, she’d even chased him across planets when he was lost in the storm and dying from depletion. To do that she had to get his ship’s cooperation and rescue him from prison. She’d fought to save him!

Before dinner she hauled out another writing pad with a pen she’d carefully tied to the notebook rings. She made it clear he had to write down everything he ate including volume, date and time.   
“So Doctor, I’m leavin’ the book on the table so you can write everything down, ‘kay?” 

“Rose, that’s a lot of palaver when I can just scan everything I eat which would be date and time stamped as well.”

“Yeah, but,” she protested, “I wanna be able to watch our progress and match it with my own observations about how you’re actin’. I’m going on this diet with ya and that means I gotta right to know if you’re nickin’ any midnight snacks, Mister!”

“What makes you think I’d write them down,” he laughed.

“You wouldn’t cheat,” she stated with firm conviction. “You’re not a cheater!”

“I beg to differ Rose! I could introduce you to many with the firm conviction I am the universe’s most diabolical cheater!” He winked at her with a conspiratorial air. “However, since you have such faith in me I shall not cheat. We’ll do this your way!”

Her heart brimming with joy, just to see him tease and laugh with her after all he’d been through, gave her hope they’d solve this puzzle of what was happening to him.

He slid her plate to her and sat with his. While it was plenty for her and depressingly healthy with not one treat on the plate, she knew it wasn’t enough for him. It wasn’t enough for a male let alone a Time Lord who burned energy at extreme rates just to support their normal state of being. But, with any luck, it wouldn’t be too long before they could up his intake. 

The Doctor didn’t complain about his meager meal. He just tucked in affording Rose the opportunity to begin another line of inquiry. As he ate she noticed a tremor in his left hand but chalked it up to his recent experience. Nevertheless, she made a mental note to write it down in her book.

“So Doctor, do you remember what you were thinking when you raised the storm last time? I know ya probably don’t want to remember but it might give us clues cuz we’re tryin’ to figure out if this is bein’ triggered by you or somethin’ else.”

He wasn’t that keen on going over it, worried that remembering the anger might trigger it again but it was Rose and she wanted to help him. Besides, at present, he felt calm and relaxed here with her. 

“Before ya start Doctor, can ya include what you were thinkin’ and feelin’ those times you left from the TARDIS? See, one time before you left you said something to me that scared the stuffin’ outta me. It sure didn’t sound like you!”

This was news to the Doctor. “What? What did I say Rose?”

“I wrote it down in my note book, word for word, but I’m tellin’ ya, not even the words seemed like ones you’d choose, which suggests some sorta outside influence.”

Fishing her first note book from her jeans pocket she showed him the passage describing his weird warning to her when he hadn’t been himself. 

“Rassilon, Rose,” he exclaimed, shocked to his core. “It sounds like I’m threatening you!. Oh no, no, no! We have to rethink this whole thing! I’m taking you home until I can sort this out myself.”

She cursed herself for her rookie mistake. 

“Not a chance Time Lord ‘n I’m not kidding! You need me ‘n I’m stayin’. We, and that means you and me, have a plan and we’re gonna follow it because you have to be alright Doctor!”


	4. Chapter 4

He could see her determination was fierce and he saw no point in arguing with her when he could slip away later if things got off the rails. He’d done it before but, this time, he’d order his TARDIS not to follow.

“And don’t think you can sneak away when I’m not lookin’, Time Lord! That would be a breach of our promise to each other that we, together, would get to the bottom of this ‘n besides it would be a breach of our friendship AND it would make you a CHEATER!”

“Oh, alright!” he spit out in anger, his irritation evident. “You win!”

“Doctor, it’s not about me winning,” she said softly, studying him intently. “You’re in trouble and I could never abandon you to face this alone! How could you think I’d desert you? You mean too much to me. Do you understand what I mean?”

He knew what she meant but why did she have to be so bloody obstinate arguing with him, a Time Lord, and she an Earthing snip of a girl! He struggled not to show his disdain but he knew his reasoning was faulty because he respected Rose because she was brilliant and it worried him as yet another sign something was wrong. 

To keep the peace he said, “Yeah, I know how you feel Rose.”

“Well, get on then!” she prompted. “Tell me what you felt and what you remember from when you were triggered to leave the TARDIS!”

With the dishes cleared away, Rose retrieved her pen and notebook. Sitting prim and proper she was eager to chronicle his recollections for clues. Rose Tyler had designed an investigation. He owed it to her to treat her request seriously.

“I’ll start with the observation that each planet we were on when the storm came over me are planets I’d visited before. I suppose that’s some kind of coincidence because I’m the pilot and the odds I’d pick that many planets in a row that I’ve been to before is odd. I mean we weren’t on a mission or anything so we were free to go anywhere.”

“See, see,” Rose responded, “this is good stuff Doctor. Thanks for takin’ this seriously. Go on then.”

“Normally, when I call the storm, it’s because I’ve lost control of my anger. Until recently that’s been limited to circumstances when I’m under attack, and need a weapon that will stop enemies.”

“Until recently?” Rose asked.

He couldn’t look her in the eye when he quietly explained, “I have to be angry to call the storm but recently ...it feels more like...unrelenting rage, like...madness.” 

Rose reached across and squeezed his hand. “It’s gotta be awful for you Doctor. I’m sorry but we’re gonna get to the bottom of this. Go on then.”

“As to whether I was triggered to leave the TARDIS it wasn’t like I left because I could feel the outrage that normally triggers the storm. It was more like feeling a queasy restlessness, like if I didn’t run far and fast I couldn’t work that feeling off. So, what do you think so far Professor?”

Chewing on the end of her pen she had a mischievous look in her eye. “Hmmm, queasy restlessness, got it Doctor! This is a revelation. Not sure we can reach any conclusions yet but any day you can get a Time Lord to talk about his feelings has to be a bloomin’ miracle day!”

His eyes narrowed at her saucy attitude. “Do you require me to recline on your psychiatrist’s couch?” he dryly responded.

“Nope, you’re fine, besides here at the table means ya can refill your tea ‘n it’s easier for me to write yeah? Go on then, you’re doin’ great! So where did ya go and what happened?”

“While I’ve visited all these planets before, there’s one with which I’m more familiar. In fact I’d spent close to ten Earth years, off and on, helping them fashion a constitution, governing laws and a democracy. They’d been at war, a civil war. See, their economies were based on slavery and if something wasn’t done they’d all starve. So the time was ripe for change and they asked for my help.” 

“You know, how I abhor slavery Rose.” She nodded but didn’t interrupt his explanation.

“Anyway, in the years preceding their request for help, I had seeded their society with books, stories, articles and local agitators all making the case against slavery. Eventually citizens of good character stood firmly against the atrocity applying political pressure and money to force change. Gradually their society was dragged kicking and screaming towards democracy and elimination of slavery. 

When the time came for change and the societal pressures and distortions surfaced, I was there to help them. Yep, I made it a proper project. Finally the day came when I felt they were well and truly on their way and I left. Then a couple hundred years later I returned and that’s when I learned a valuable lesson.”

Rose poured him more tea seeing his contemplative state.

“When I returned I found the dominant race had simply distorted all the forms of democracy and freedom to their advantage. They held all the posts of power in government, judiciary, military and industry. They paraded their enlightenment but all the while, behind the scenes, they were adjusting the fine print so that education, housing and opportunity were made almost impossible for the former slaves, now citizens, to access. 

Not only that but their opportunity to change things through their vote was deliberately eroded through dirty tricks and impossible to meet standards. All the vested interests conspired with clever techniques to thwart and discount the vote of the underclass. They never did give them their freedom Rose! It was a travesty!”

“You must have been so angry and disappointed after all the effort you made to help them,” Rose sympathized.

“Yeah, I was, especially because the descendants of those former slaves never abandoned their hope in the democratic ideal. I learned that the “have’s” rarely invite the “have nots” to share in the basic rights and wealth of society no matter how much they say they believe in democracy. In fact, the ‘have’s’ are more than willing to use all their power to control others if it means increasing their own wealth.”

Although the Doctor was deeply involved in his story, Rose didn’t think he was angry and, if he was, it was probably at himself. He would blame himself for not anticipating what happened. She knew there were few things that riled him like gross injustice but it didn’t seem to her that he might get all stormy. 

Before she could ask him about how this story, which had taken place some time ago, related to his current struggles, he spoke again.

“Anyway, I tell you this story Rose because I find myself wondering if it’s related to what I was thinking when the storm overtook me on that planet hundreds of years after the events I’ve explained.”

“Okay, good,” Rose responded. “So you were walking, hoping to relieve the restless queasiness and then what happened.” 

“Yes, that’s right but it wasn’t helping so I decided to increase my physical exertion by climbing the mountain that overlooked the city.” 

“At first I just studied it’s features as it had grown and modernized considerably since my last visit. Soon the queasiness became something different like a metamorphosis from regret to anger to rage. I did everything right - everything -and still, even now, the place was a bloody, damned mess with an active trade in slaves which they called indentured workers! The bloody nerve of them! All the opportunity and hope I offered and they squandered it like ill-raised children!

That's when my irritation became anger and then wrath that I wanted to unleash! Do you hear Rose? I was willing, no, eager to unleash it without thought of consequence just so I could punish them! 

In my mind, even those descendants that didn't earn my wrath surely earned it at some point as far as I was concerned. Every one of them took what I offered without thanks or even a backwards glance and perverted it and felt righteous about it! I wanted to reduce them to rubble and make them feel terror. Mild mannered me turned wicked with my tornado surrounding me. I wanted their sorrow, their regret, their repentance!” 

He looked at her expecting her shock and disgust but Rose just came around the table and hugged him, soothing him as best she could. He accepted her embrace but he was disgusted with himself and terrified he would hurt her.

“Doctor, we’re gonna figure this out and I’m not leavin’ cuz you’re afraid you’ll hurt me.”She ran her hand up and down his back and hugged him again. 

“As reassuring as it is to have you in my corner, even a friend like you has to see there is something terribly wrong with my reasoning! Time Lords don’t think like that! Rose, I’ve had failures before, in fact I knew going into it my chances of success were slim. I should have analyzed what happened and fashioned a new approach for the next time but instead I was full of revenge and anger and imagined punishments! What is happening to me?”

He stood abruptly ending her attempt to sooth him.


	5. Chapter 5

Having been unceremoniously dumped from his lap, Rose knew she couldn’t sugar coat his concerns. 

“Doctor you’re right that somethin’s wrong with you and you’re right that you don’t think and act this way cuz you’re brilliant and ya got hundreds of years experience. But all we can do is be clear-eyed ‘bout what’s happening to ya, analyze it and figure out why? What’s causin’ it? We can’t give up now!” 

The Doctor knew she was right. They had to get to the bottom of it or he was doomed to wait for the storm to use up his last strength. 

Giving in he asked, “So what do you conclude from my disturbing story?”

“First and most important Doctor,” she said quietly, “you may have wanted to pummel those people but you didn’t. That instinct in you to do no harm won. I take it you don’t remember stoppin’ the storm or maybe divertin’ it?”

“No, I do not remember,” he agreed, “which is odd because I don’t forget.”

“And d’ya remember what you were thinkin’ the other times the storm came? Was there any link between your past visits to those planets and the present day release of the storm? 

“No, I wasn’t particularly interested in the other planets, had only visited them briefly looking for parts, so I don’t think they did anything to anger me then or now.” 

“Okay then, likely there’s no connection between the onset of the storm and your past with these planets. Those old memories from that one planet seem like the trigger for the storm but I don’t think it was. You had no memories from the other planets that riled ya up so the trigger musta been somethin’ else yeah? But there’s three things I did notice.” 

Intrigued by her reasoning, the Doctor was drawn from his moodiness wanting to hear Rose’s observations. 

“We may not know what’s causing the storm yet but we do know the sign it’s coming and that’s a really important thing. Yep, queasy restlessness is the sign so be alert for it Doctor ‘n if ya feel it comin’ we prepare to make sure you’re in a safe place but first we take quick scans and see what’s happenin’ with your functions. Ya know it’d be like lookin’ for clues ‘bout what’s startin’ it straight away.” 

She smiled at him as though it was tremendous progress.

Not of the same view, but not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm, the Doctor asked, “And the other two things we know?”

“I’ve mentioned the second before....you haven’t actually destroyed anyone or anything so far. That’s the real you Doctor! You don’t want to harm people even if they disgust you! Bottom line is that you seem able to stop the storm even if it forms against your will.” 

“And?” he asked.

Rose didn’t try to downplay it. She just looked him in the eye and said, “When you explained how you felt about those people who took advantage of what you taught them, it didn’t sound like you, just like before when you scared me in the TARDIS.”

He betrayed no emotion which struck her as odd. For the Doctor, his reaction was just off kilter somehow. Her suspicion was confirmed when he responded.

“You think it’s some entity speaking through me, something that’s invaded my mind,” he snorted, “like in one of your daft “sci-fi” films?” 

But Rose didn’t bite. Instead she tried to show him she was looking at things seriously. 

“Could be but not necessarily Doctor. It’s not impossible that a person doesn’t sound like themselves when they’re ill yeah? One time when I was little I got real sick with measles, high fever ‘n stuff, and Mum said I was talkin’ gibberish, about weird stuff she couldn’t figure out. Anyhow she plunked me in an ice cold bath with ice cubes!”

The Doctor thought it was a barbaric treatment for a child but given the emergency probably saved her life. 

“As you can imagine, I was screamin’ ‘n carryin’ on til neighbors started pounding on the door thinkin’ Mum was killin’ me. Finally she scooped me up with a towel and yelled through the door about an ice bath because of measles fever and all the Mums understood straight away!” 

For some reason the Doctor had always been keenly interested in the stories of her youth and she found it reassuring to see he still was as he waited for her to continue. 

“All this to make the point that maybe you are sick and it’s makin’ ya daft and makin’ ya forget stuff. Blimey I hope I don’t have ta wrestle ya into ice water,” she snickered, hoping to snap him from his funk.

“Very amusing Rose, however improbable, but I have to admit, in the absence of other remedies, Jackie displayed quick thinking and good instincts under pressure. She had to break that fever and fast!”

“Yeah, Mum did the right thing! But even though I think ya might be under the influence of some sort of entity, you could behave out of character if you’re sick ‘n it seems like the easiest option to start with so let’s scan you again ‘kay? You’ve eaten since you were in prison so we scan again and then compare to the watcha call ‘em?” She snapped her fingers remembering, “Yeah, we compare them with the baseline scans.”

“Alright Rose Tyler,” he agreed, “let’s run the tests again.”

Despite himself he was impressed with her determination to help him. He noticed that Rose remembered all the buttons to press to complete his scans. Furthermore, she printed out each scan and carefully tacked it up on the whiteboards in the scan room. Of course it was unnecessary because the Doctor could do the comparison on screen but Rose wanted to see them all at once because she didn’t want to miss even the slightest variation. 

After the comparisons showed no differences they knew they had to carry on for a few more days to ensure any differences had time to manifest and to determine if the results changed as the Doctor increased his food intake.

Rose had been keeping an eye on his emotions and reactions. She’d certainly noticed some out-of-character reactions but he had a right to be short tempered and moody given the situation he found himself in. Who could blame him?

One consequence of their investigation was the blessed downtime they were free to enjoy. They watched movies together sometimes staying in their jimjams the whole day. Rose noticed the Doctor seemed more than content to stay close to her. More often than not they fell asleep together on the sofa in the library and would leave in the morning to shower in their respective suites. He was the first back waiting for her.

At the end of each day they’d do the scans but after five days the Doctor’s food intake was back to normal except for sweets. No anomalies showed on the scans so far so it was time for the last diet adjustment. From the start of the food experiment the Doctor had moved the TARDIS to a safe, uninhabited planet just in case. 

“Okay Doctor, I’m gonna bake something for ya so we can see what happens when your diet is back to normal, ‘kay?”

“I suppose,” he groaned, “but all this is going to tell us is whether sweets make the storm stronger. Food doesn’t cause the storm. What am I going to do if I can’t have sweets anymore?”

Rose laughed, delighted he sounded completely normal. “Yeah that’s right but if sweets make it stronger then we have a safety valve to turn down the strength of it so it doesn’t leave ya so knackered. Plus, lots of people go without sweets and still enjoy eating Doctor! You’ll adjust.”

“But what about banana bread, Rose?”

Sympathetically she pointed out, “You can still have banana pancakes, just without the chocolate chips.”

To her surprise the Doctor embraced her, kissing her cheek with his lips! Blimey that was a switch! Normally he restricted his affection to an occasional kiss to the top of her head. 

Come to think of it, since they’d been stuck in the vortex, she realized how close he stayed to her. Despite his rapid mood changes he wanted to do everything together. They were best friends and uncommonly close but he had a ship to run and a universe to protect. 

When they weren’t on a mission the Doctor had lots of experiments he tended to as well as books he read and scientific papers he wrote, a garden to look after, a thousand and one systems to oversee like the waterfalls in the grotto, and of course fixing the TARDIS. He did a lot of it when she was sleeping. 

But, since they’d been in the vortex they’d fallen asleep together in the library every night except once when she’d made it to her room only to wake up the next morning to him sleeping in the armchair next to her bed.

For the first time it occurred to her that his recent devotion to her was a considerable change in his behavior. She hadn’t noticed it before because she’d been too busy looking after him and because she’d been enjoying it so much!

“I’ll get the ingredients for banana bread,” he urged, interrupting her train of thought.

“Yeah, okay,” she laughed, “but Doctor, we’re not putting three cups of chocolate chips in.”

“Why not Rose?” he whined.

“Cuz, then the recipe is too soupy and it’s not the proper texture. Might not even be safe cuz the ingredients don’t cook proper.”

“Two cups then?

“Yeah okay,” she smiled. For the moment he seemed happy and enjoying himself so she took a chance.

“Doctor, do our scans cover all of your systems? Is there anything else we should be looking at?”


	6. Chapter 6

Doctor, do our scans of you cover all of your systems? Is there anything else we should be looking at?”

As he precisely measured out the sugar to make banana bread, Rose studied his face. He looked healthy again with proper color to his skin plus his overall vigor seemed back to normal. She was relieved because if another storm came he was strong enough it wouldn’t kill him.

He didn’t answer her question until he’d safely dumped the sugar in her bowl with nary a granule escaped.

“Like what Rose?”

“Well, shouldn’t we be taking a sample of your blood for analysis to make sure nothing has changed? I don’t want to miss anything before we move on to theory two.”

“Thank you Rose for helping me. You really do care about me.”

“Doctor!. Of course I care about you. I connived my way into a prison to rescue you!”

He smiled and dumped the flour in the bowl but he did not answer her question. Oh my gawd Rose thought. Did he know there was no treatment for what ailed him? Is that why he was sticking so close to her? Was it his way of saying goodbye?

“Doctor! Do you know of anything that might be affecting your systems?”

“I am functioning within operating parameters, except for the storm, of course.”

Back in the library with the Doctor protectively placing the still warm banana bread in front of his place, Rose settled in beside him and watched him slice six pieces.

“Blimey six pieces!” Rose exclaimed, “isn’t that overdoing it?”

“Nope,” the Doctor mumbled around his first bite. “Might as well go for broke and see if high sugar content makes the storm stronger. We’re on a deserted planet now with no means for me to get off planet because I’ve instructed the TARDIS to only obey you for the next 48 hours. If I do go bonkers then it’ll be out there on this deserted planet where I can’t hurt you.” 

Just like before the Doctor stayed close to her and once again she fell asleep curled against him but she woke an hour later groaning, “Doctor, I’m gonna sleep in my bed tonight cuz I got a sore neck and I’m real tired. Tomorrow we can talk ‘bout next steps.”

She shuffled from the library leaving him to find his own rest. The next morning she woke well rested and eager to assess where they were at and what they should investigate next. She also wanted to return to the idea of testing his blood. It was odd he avoided her question but she was eager to tackle the day.

Showered and dressed, she went to the galley but he wasn’t there which was odd because he always knew when she was awake. Fixing her tea she headed to the library but he wasn’t there either. The first tingle of concern rippled through her and she left the library for the console room. Where was he?! 

Rose raced down the ramp and out the door stopping dead in shock as she scanned the surface of the planet. It had been leveled as far as she could see. There wasn’t a tree, shrub or blade of grass left. It was dust!

Racing inside, she felt her fingers trembling as she asked where precisely he was? The TARDIS showed her a tiny bump on the level surface a fair distance from the ship. She begged the ship to materialize a sled with wheels and a pulling rope and a sturdy pair of leather gloves.

Hustling down the ramp, she headed toward him at a sure and steady pace knowing she had to pace herself to make sure she could make it back without having to rest. 

As she walked, staring at the bump on the horizon, she reconstructed the time between each of his storms. She realized the time between this incident and the one before had been the longest. But why? The interval between all the other incidents had been shorter and pretty much the same distance apart. Could it be the change in his diet? If it was, it had only bought them a couple days more before the storm returned. Yes he’d had a load of sugar but sugar didn’t cause the storm, it made it stronger. 

When she got there she wanted to cry seeing how small he seemed in his coat. He was spent, exhausted, but he didn’t look as bad as he had the last time she found him. If he hadn’t had the week to recover, if he’d been in the same shape as she found him in prison, this would have killed him permanently.

It was chilly so she wrapped the TARDIS supplied blanket around him and got him onto the sled. Far away she saw the welcome blue box and pulled her precious burden towards it. 

She felt real guilty that she hadn’t stayed with him last night. She had a lot of time to think as she dragged him along. Something else was going on with him and she wasn’t satisfied they were considering all the data they should. 

She went over everything in her mind several times feeling she was missing something. Maybe the banana bread made the storm worse but he’d been eating the same for centuries so why was the storm hitting him now? Maybe there was no relationship at all! She sighed in frustration especially because she was doubting the entity idea too. The Doctor and the TARDIS shared minds so if he had an alien influencing his mind wouldn’t the ship be influenced too? It was something else. 

When she got back to the ship, if he was still asleep, she was going to take a sample of his blood. He had good, plump veins filled with his precious blood. She’d seen them running down his arms when he rolled up his sleeves. How hard could it be?

With her legs shaking she got him up the ramp, then dragged him down the corridor to the library. It had taken over four hours to get him back but, with her last strength, she wrestled him up onto the sofa in the library. She was going to get water and food and then take his blood. He would probably be out for days so best get it done now!

After freshening up she grabbed water and more TARDIS energy bars for him and stopped in the infirmary for a syringe to take a blood sample from him. Back in the library she wrestled him out of his coat and suit jacket and rolled up one shirt sleeve. Sure enough his veins protruded nicely. 

She’d never taken blood before and was afraid she might go right through the vein so she carefully angled her needle and slipped it in. She did it! The syringe filled quickly. 

Setting his coat and jacket aside, she covered him with a blanket and studied his handsome face. He lived his life on the edge most of the time and sometimes she thought that recklessness disguised his despair and loneliness. 

Occasionally, he let his guard down with her and each time it happened she knew he wondered if she would take advantage of what he saw as his weakness. Yet, to her, those occasions were ones of kindness and affection. She wondered if he knew how much she cherished them. She would never take advantage of him because those moments were his true strength. She would never do that to him, not even in jest.

She bent to caress his cheek, hating to leave him passed out but if he woke there was food and water for him. She headed to the console room to ask the TARDIS how to do a complete analysis of his blood and compare it to his baseline. Oh thank gawd! All she had to do was slip the vial into a slot that spiraled up from the console. The TARDIS would complete the analysis.

Wandering slowly to her bedroom she sank down on the side of her bed with her head in her hands. A headache pounded from the anxiety she felt because she still didn’t know how to help him. If the blood analysis didn’t give her evidence of what was wrong she had no clue what to do next. Tears rolled down her cheeks for his sake. He was lost in self loathing. Half her challenge was to keep his spirits up. 

There was only one certainty in her mind and for one so young, it was as strong as steel. She would never abandon him. Exhausted from worry, she crawled on her bed and hoped a few hours kip would raise her spirits and sharpen her thinking. As she drifted into sleep the tears were still wet on her cheeks.

The sound of a violently slamming door invaded her dreams and she felt the mattress compress on each side of her hips. Then she couldn’t breath and she started to struggle, her arms thrashing and her eye lids fluttering. She was violently ripped from sleep to find herself staring into the Doctor’s seething eyes and she was terrified by what she saw.

He clutched and twisted her hoodie with his fists, bunching it up around her neck so tightly she couldn’t draw a breathe as she flailed like a fish out of water. Even in her panic she could feel the ferocity of his hostile aggression roiling around him. Terrified, she could barely manage a strangled whimper. Grasping and scratching his hands around her neck she knew she couldn’t break his hold and would soon pass out. 

Fuelled by fear, her adrenaline surged giving her just enough strength to roll, with all her might, and it was enough of a surprise, combined with a lucky advantage in her centre of gravity, to throw him off balance. 

Scrambling to the other side of the bed, she rolled onto her feet only to discover she was trapped there facing a deranged, ferocious Doctor roaring at her, “You took my blood!”


	7. Chapter 7

Panting in shock, Rose watched him advancing on her, backing her into a corner. She was well and truly trapped with no way to get around him. His anger was lethal and if she tried to take a runner over the bed he’d be on her in seconds!

She only had one option. Try to talk him down. It was a long shot and if she failed, well, she couldn’t predict if his instinct not to kill would hold. Either way he’d never forgive himself. 

She had to modulate her voice but she was terrified. She had to make him recognize her and remember what they were to each other before he got his hands around her neck again.

Although she was shaking inside, she kept her voice soft and managed to sound reasonably controlled. “Doctor, it’s me Rose. I’m helping you find out why you’re sick, remember?”

Every part of his body was tense. She could see the corded tendons of his neck, his chest heaving in fury, his hands fisted, but he stopped in his advance. Maybe, maybe he was hearing her.

“Doctor, we’re workin’ together. Remember? I’m on your side, trying to figure out what’s bringing the storm. Remember?”

Still speaking softly she reminded him, “See, I followed you and rescued you from prison and I held your hand and fed you and gave you water cuz you were real sick. And then I brought you home here to the TARDIS. I would never hurt you.”

He blinked and shook his head in confusion and his tense posture degraded to rapid panting and indecision and in her peripheral vision she could see the tremor in his one hand had returned. 

“Doctor,” she asked, aware of the need to remain as calm as calm could be, “can I hold your hand, like we always do, especially when I’m scared?”

Slowly she raised her hand inviting him and waiting. She saw him blink and she knew he was remembering when she saw the horror of what he’d done play across his face. Taking the risk, she took his hand but it had the effect of amplifying his self revulsion and he dropped her hand like it was electrocuting him. 

He stared at her in anguish, and wailed, “What have I done?” 

Then he was gone and she collapsed on the floor in relief. From terror to tension to faking it, she’d defused the situation. Sitting on the floor in shock she hoped she would stop trembling soon because she had to get up, now! 

She had to get up, find him and she had to do it now! Dragging herself up, feeling shaky from the adrenaline, she breathed a sigh of relief she’d gotten away with avoiding the issue that had sparked his fury - his blood sample. That was very, very curious.

Entering the console room she went to the console and typed her request that the TARDIS not let him leave unless he was about to be consumed by the storm. The great ship’s customary hum changed in tone and Rose thought the TARDIS sounded sad.

She had control of the ship for 48 hours by reason of the Doctor’s orders so she had to sort things before time was up. 

On the monitor she saw that the Doctor had moved into a cavernous space beyond their usual living space. With a sigh she set out to find him, stopping first in the library to see if he’d consumed what she left him. He hadn’t touched it so she gathered it up and continued on her way.

Finally she found the room. Taking a deep breath she opened the double doors to a deeply disturbing sight. He’d thrown his sonic across the cavernous room and chained himself to the wall with just enough length he could sit. She walked towards him, sitting cross-legged in front of him offering the energy bars and water.  
“Watcha gonna do if ya have to go to the loo?” Rose asked with a smile.

“I came close to killing you Rose!” he roared, causing her to flinch but he didn’t let up. “This is not a joke! Move out of my reach, NOW!”

His barking at her was hard to take after what she’d been through with him already. Although she knew he was back to himself and wouldn’t hurt her, she was still shaky so she didn’t argue with him and slid back out of range.

“I brought ya food and water Doctor. I reckon it’s important not to get too weak in case the storm comes.”

He wouldn’t look at her and she just knew he intended to stay here until the storm came and, even if it didn’t kill him the first time, he’s wait for the next time or the one after that until it did. She had her work cut out for her.

“Ya know Doctor I’m not givin’ up on ya and I never will. Yes, you scared me bad in my room but I knew that person wasn’t you ‘n the real you listened when I talked to you!”

He didn’t respond.

“But we’ve been here before an’ I’m guessing yer not in the mood for talkin’ right now so I want to tell you about somethin’ amazin’ I read ‘bout. It’s called Shinrin-Yoku. You ever heard of it?”

Again he didn’t answer but curiosity was his weakness and she knew he was listening.

“See, I was thinkin’ before all this happened I was gonna ask ya if we could go to Japan and try it, Shinrin-Yoku I mean. See it’s a noun describin’ “forest bathing” but that’s not the whole of it.”

She glanced at him and saw he was still listening but he was still distant and far from participating. 

“Turns out Japan has amazin’ forests and you’re supposed to go inside the forest til you’re surrounded by trees. You’re supposed to stroll around or ya can stay in one place but ya have to breathe, to take deep breaths and listen to the sounds of the forest.” 

Her voice was excited and she asked, “I can imagine it. Can you Doctor? 

Then she saw him nod so she carried on explaining, “I was in a forest once and I remember the stillness and the light of the forest playing with shadows ‘n the colours of the trees ‘n the air seemed fresher ya know? I remember that it feels like a mist on your face. You can smell the moss and the leaves. I do remember truly feelin’ happy. Ya know what I mean?”

Rose saw him nod again and she considered it progress.

“Anyhow,” she continued, “the article said you will feel better and happier. Supposedly their scientists have proven the benefits of Shinrin-Yoku so conclusively, the Japanese have included the therapy as part of their health care plan. Now that’s brilliant!”

He had listened but she couldn’t read his reaction. “Can we go there Doctor?”

For the first time he looked her straight in the eye. His voice was snide and cutting when he asked, “So I can destroy it’s beauty with the storm? Is that what you want Rose?”

She could see he was brooding and sullen. “What’s that word, Doctor, the one that describes bein’ out on the moors an everythin’ is all empty, or when yer in the middle of the desert?” Rose asked.

“Desolate?” he responded listlessly.

“Yeah, that’s the word...desolate...that’s what it’s like in here, desolate, hopeless. If you insist on being chained, can’t ya be chained in the library where you can be comfortable?”

“Oh sure Rose,” he snapped back, “let’s chain me in the library where I can destroy all the books! You just don’t get it do you? Are you deliberately baiting me? NO! I can’t take you to the forest and I can’t risk the library.”

“No need to be snarky ya know! I didn’t mean we should visit the forest now. I meant it could be a visit we could look forward to. As for the library, the TARDIS could protect the books if ya got the storm ya know. Why don’t ya stop snipin’ at me and start thinkin’.”

Rose stood suddenly and walked towards the exit because her emotions were in turmoil and she didn’t want to cry in front of him. She knew there was no point in trying to cheer him up when he was so bent on blaming himself.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s not like she didn’t have her own set of worries. He’d almost killed her! Even though she knew it wasn’t his fault it’s not like she had recovered from the terror of that situation. 

She’d never experienced the Doctor’s rage directed at her before and her memory of the event was still like fractured, rapid fire pictures of moment to moment survival. It was only now she was able to start knitting them all together and identify her impressions of the whole. For some reason he felt she had betrayed him but why?  
At the door she turned back and announced, “I’ll be back soon.”

Knowing he shouldn’t have barked at her, he remained resolute that it had been necessary to keep her aware that he was a danger not just to himself but to her. He’d almost killed her for Rassilon’s sake! But try as he might he couldn’t remember what had triggered his rage. 

Not only was it another sign of his alarming instability but now he was a clear and present danger to the most important person in his life. After terrifying her and almost killing her, he’d been beyond rude and insulting to his most loyal friend. Yes, it was done to protect her so why then did he long for her to return?

Trudging down the corridor Rose was finding it difficult to keep her spirits up so she decided to take a quick shower, change and then drag a mattress or something back to his self imposed prison so he could sit and rest comfortably. Blimey, it wasn’t enough to lock himself away, he had to punish himself too. 

When she got to her room she tore the sheets off her bed with a vengeance, playing back the scene in her mind. She had to figure out what the hell was wrong with him! Leaving the bedding in a heap on the floor she got her shower and dressed ready to drag her mattress all the way back to the Doctor. Seeing her diary on the bedside table she paused with an idea. She could cross reference what they’d been doing on the days the storm had manifested. 

During her rescue trek on the planet she’d reconstructed how long between each incident but what other patterns might be revealed if she studied what they’d been doing before each storm? She was excited to get started but it would have to wait for now until she got the Doctor sorted. Then there was the blood sample to try and figure out. Good because she was still skittish from recent events and now she had things to do that might unlock what the hell was going on with the Doctor.

With renewed vigour she wrestled her mattress off her bed and began the long trek down the corridor back to the Doctor. When she got there she propped the mattress against the corridor wall and opened the double doors. 

Instantly she was sucked through them as a negative pressure wave spun her into the cavernous hold flinging her across the floor. Such was the power of the growing storm she was flipped end over end like a tumbleweed and struggled to orient herself and keep her head covered with her hands. 

Battered and buffeted by the howling storm growing ever more powerful, she was thrown into a corner, where the screaming winds were not as intense. There she was able to flatten herself against the floor where she struggled to breathe. Apparently swirling tornado winds in a giant square box sucked up the air in the corners. 

Prone on the floor she could feel the change in barometric pressure and the resulting effect on her eardrums. She could hear the howling winds too and struggled to turn over and lay on her stomach. Because the cavernous warehouse was empty there were no objects, dirt or debris swirling around which was lucky or she’d be dead! 

It also meant she could see through the storm and there he was standing chained against the opposite end of the room with his hair blowing and his body pressed against the wall. His eyes were black and she could see the strain in his body as he wielded the storm like a god destroyer. Worse still, she didn’t think he was trying to stop the maelstrom rather he was hoping it would drain his strength and take him. 

But that wasn’t the worst of it, she reasoned. They were in a confined space which meant the storm couldn’t get bigger, but it could get more powerful so long as the Time Lord fuelled it with his rage. 

Frantic to get his attention she called to him, over and over. She doubted he could hear her but she kept trying hoping some pressure fluctuation might carry her voice to him. She saw the slight change in his face when he heard her and she doubled her efforts to throw her voice to him.

Finally she saw him search the storm and then he saw her. His eyes, normally a soft brown, were still black but now bleak and she knew he didn’t want to stop the storm. He was trying to end himself. But he could not allow it to hurt anyone else. As he wrenched himself from the anger fueled storm he slowly slipped down the wall, his chains clanging.

As soon as she could safely cross the room she hobbled over to him, having hurt her ankle at some point. She folded herself down tightly beside him and put her arms around his waist.

“Did you forget to warn me you were feeling queasy restlessness?” she whispered.

Ignoring her question he observed, “You shouldn’t be close to me Rose. You shouldn’t have come in here. Now you’ve hurt your ankle.”

“I’m scared Doctor that you’ll hurt yourself so bad it’ll be the end of you. Please don’t give up, please!” she pleaded but he didn’t answer. He’d fallen asleep.

Not sure what to do next she looked around the hold they were in and spied the crumpled bottle of water she’d left for him and the sonic he’d discarded earlier. Blimey it could have been a deadly projectile in the storm. She walked over and picked it up slipping it in her pocket. Then she wrestled the mattress into the room, hauling him onto it and went to get her diary. 

Pen and diary in hand she had stopped to get the blood results and more TARDIS energy bars as well as a couple more bottles of water for when he woke up.  
Cross legged on the mattress beside him she began to study her diary. A couple hours later she looked up in shock. There was a pattern, a definite pattern! 

Then she scrambled to get the blood sample analysis from her pocket. There was no question his blood analysis showed a distinct and noticeable difference between his baseline and this new scan. But she didn’t know what the words meant! They were written in Gallifreyan.

Slipping her phone from her pocket, she took a picture of the analysis. He started to stir and she watched him coming around. With the sonic she released each metal cuff, freeing him from his chains. He wouldn’t be able to cause the storm for awhile.

Slowly his eyes opened and he took her in. “You still here,” he croaked, reaching for a bottle of water from those she’d brought for him.

It hurt her to hear the scorn in his voice but she reached in her hoodie and tossed a few energy bars and his sonic back at him.

He sat with his back to the wall, resentful and moody, and Rose felt defeated because his behaviour seemed to confirm what she’d concluded from her diary study. She was about to raise it when he spoke again.

“Looks like the sugar makes a stronger storm,” he announced, gulping down a swig of water.

“Maybe,” she agreed half heartedly, “but it doesn’t start the storm. If you stopped with the sugar it would only buy you a day or two before the storm returned.”

“And how did you reach that conclusion?” he sneered.


	9. Chapter 9

“Cuz I reconstructed the dates and when the storm came compared to what we were doin’ before and what we ate by usin’ my diary.”

Incredulously he asked, “You keep track of what I eat in your diary? What in Rassilon’s name for?”

“In case you get sick ‘n I gotta feed ya, so I’d know what you like and how much you need! I write down new words ya teach me too, ‘n planets we visit ‘n stuff like that plus what I eat against my weight so I know when to ease off.”

The Doctor noticed her demeanour. She was not her usual bubbly, confident self. By now she should be entreating him not to give up, assuring him they’d get to the bottom of it. 

Narrowing his eyes at her he asked the salient question. “So what else did you deduce from your diary?”

“I’m the reason you’re sick,” she confessed, her lips trembling. “I saw it all in my diary, clear as day. I’m somehow triggering you to create all the storms ‘n it means I have ta leave or you’re not gonna get better Doctor.” 

She was obviously upset and so was he. He couldn’t control the storm but there was no excuse for his petty, surly behaviour yet she had done everything within her power to help him. He should want her out of danger yet he didn’t want her to leave. 

Before he could ask her about her astonishing conclusion she unfolded a piece of paper and handed it to him. “See that’s your blood analysis and there’s a big difference ‘n it’s cuz of me!” she mournfully confessed. “I don’t know what them words mean but I know there’s a bloody big difference between normal and now!”

“Rose, Rose, hold up for a sec!” he implored as she started to get up. “Tell me what you found in your diary that made you think you are the cause of my problems.”

Reluctantly she resumed her cross-legged position but her head hung down and her hair made it difficult for him to see her face. At length, after struggling to control her emotions, she began to cite her evidence.

“The first time ya got the storm was right after we were thrown in that prison on Penembi Blue ‘n remember we were in the same cell for four days ‘n then we got back to the TARDIS ‘n ya got the storm that night.”

Looking down at her diary she outlined three other times when they’d been together for extended periods of time and then the storm came. 

Interrupting her he pointed out the pattern didn’t hold throughout. “Rose, what about when I left you and the TARDIS? I was gone for three days and there were several incidents. You were not with me before those incidents.”

“True, but I think the pattern holds cuz before you left we spent more days together than at any other time between incidents!” she said firmly. “After I got you back from prison and we got started with our plan we spent all our days together, even all night in the library ‘n then the storm came back.” 

Looking him in the eye, she concluded, “There’s nothin’ else, no other common factor that repeats like that and leads up to the storm yeah? Not only that but normally we don’t spend anywhere near that amount of time together when we’re in the TARDIS cuz ya gotta lotta stuff to look after in the ship. So you see, it means you can’t be around me too long before the storm comes.”

“Rose, that’s ridiculous! It just seems like a pattern!”

“NO!, It’s not! We’ve never been together, spent as much time together before. There’s somethin’ about me that’s affectin’ ya. I have to leave Doctor or you’ll be in danger. I’m gonna pack now.”

Before he could protest she was running to the double doors of the hold. 

He watched her go remembering Earth’s old adage “when it rains it pours” but he really didn’t want her to go. On the other hand, he could let her go, test her hypothesis, and when the storm returned without her and she had proof she wasn’t the cause, he’d just go pick her up because she’d want to help him again.

Running his hands through his hair in frustration he felt he was missing something. Like his faulty memory, he knew his reasoning, his logic was off. How could he conclude letting her go was a good idea? Then it came to him in a flash of insight. Her diary observation was sound but her conclusion was rubbish. She hadn’t seen the flip side of the coin. 

Stuffing his blood analysis in his pocket to look at later, he headed to Rose’s room. When he got there she was sitting on the bed looking at a necklace he’d bought her at a market galaxies away. Beside her was a bag she was haphazardly packing.

“Rose! I think I’m feeling queasy restlessness. Will you come with me to lock me up again? Can you stay ‘til it’s over?” 

With red rimmed eyes she stood and it shook him to see her so upset but she didn’t hesitate. “Of course Doctor. I’ll help you.”

When he was locked up again, he persuaded her to stay so he could tell her what he’d originally intended. “Rose, I was heading to your room to tell you I think your conclusion is suspect.”

“Why?” 

“Well, there are other conclusions possible based on the pattern you identified.”

“Like what?”

“You are assuming you’re the cause but what if the cause is you leaving each of those times after we spent days together. I don’t remember each time but I do remember several times you left to go to your room, and once to your Mum’s to drop something off. If you were the cause wouldn’t the storm have come at least one time when we were together? It only came when I was alone, after we’d spent time together, AFTER you left.”

Rose couldn’t hide her skeptical look and that just drove him to work on convincing her.

“Rose you could look at your diary again and look for that variable. Where were you when the storm came?”

“No harm in checking I guess.” But she remained unconvinced. “How’s the restless queasiness?”

Even the Doctor was surprised when he realized it wasn’t as bad. “Not as bad! See! See! You might be the cure not the cause!”

She stared at him and then remembering she asked, “So what about the blood analysis, what does it mean?”

Pulling the crumpled results from his pocket he quickly scanned them. “Oh just a cyclical thing,” he said.

“Think about it Rose,” the Doctor insisted. “The last time wasn’t two events! It was actually a sequence. First, you left me so you could sleep in your room and what did I do? Devastated a large swath of the planet and then I attacked you!” He sucked in a breath, staring but not seeing, as the terrifying potential of that dreadful scene replayed in his mind. 

“Anyhow,” he continued, his hand tremor on display, “then I chained myself in the hold but as a result of my rudeness, for which I apologize, you left me and when you came back another storm was in progress!”

Rose was now actively listening. Maybe he had a point she thought. Maybe there were two interpretation of the facts. 

“Alright, give me a minute to check my diary.”

“I could check it for you Rose. I read faster. It would be more efficient,” he encouraged.

“Fat chance Time Lord! There’s personal stuff in here ya know!”

“Like what Rose?”

“Just shut it will ya? I’m not handing it over ‘n the more you distract me the longer it’s gonna take.”


	10. Chapter 10

Thwarted from access to the intimate and tantalizing secrets within her diary, the Doctor had no choice but to sit and wait until she was finished.

As Rose flipped back and forth going through her entries she could see the tremor in his hand out of the corner of her eye. When she was finished she grabbed his hand.

“What’s this then Doctor? What’s causing your hand to shake?”

“Never mind that Rose. What did you find in your diary?”

“Not ‘til ya tell me what’s causing this!”

“It’s just a potassium deficiency...I’ll be fine once I eat some bananas.”

Rose’s eyebrows furrowed. “You had not one but six slices of banana bread! Try another one Time Lord!”

“Yes but they were swimming in sugar and chocolate. For potassium uptake in a Time Lord bananas need to be eaten in their pure form. Now, what about the diary?”

Rose had the uncomfortable feeling he was lying to her and that led her back to wondering if he was lying about the blood test results but she didn’t want to rile him up before she was sure.

“It is true that in all cases I was not with you just before the storm came, but...”

The Doctor interrupted, “See! I told you Rose! You didn’t start the storm so we need to stick together and after we’ve been together for the mean average of days between incidents then I take another dose of banana bread, you stick with me and we see if the storm comes! You’re not going to go home are you Rose?”

“Well, I guess it’s worth testing your theory but do we have to stay in here? Can’t we go to the library?”

With the Doctor’s agreement Rose handed him the sonic so he could remove his cuffs. 

As Rose lifted the mattress corner to take it back to her room she achieved her real objective. With the Doctor’s back to her he didn’t see her snatch the blood test results he’d left on the mattress. While she propped up the mattress with her shoulder she was able to slip the results in her pocket. Maybe the TARDIS would translate the Gallifreyan for her.  
“Don’t be silly Rose. The TARDIS will put you mattress back in your room.”

She let it fall with a thump. “Bloody hell, I dragged this mattress all the way here. Wish I knew how to ask the TARDIS like you do.”

“You’ve been so good to me Rose even though I didn’t deserve it. I do appreciate it. I hope you know that.”

“I couldn’t let ya down Doctor!” 

Rose was even more surprised when they arrived back at the library and she found her bed, not only refitted with a mattress and bedding, but located right close to the sofa, replacing the large club chair’s spot. Not only that but the Doctor’s sour mood of late had been replaced with his usual exuberance. 

“See Rose,” he enthused, “I had the TARDIS move your bed here. Is that okay Rose? It’s so we respect the parameters of our new theory. This way you don’t have to leave me to sleep but you can still sleep comfortably in your own bed!”

“Why not Doctor? It’s handy ‘innit and you know me, I can sleep anywhere!” she laughed.

It was remarkable to Rose how quickly his temperament had changed from the moment she’d agreed to stay and it didn’t escape her attention that the moment she’d been okay with sleeping in the library his hand tremor had stopped. Was it coincidence or was she reading too much into things? 

“So Doctor,” she reasoned, “we can’t just sit around watching telly. Can we race on the planet ‘n get some sun ‘n fresh air? We can get some exercise, then come back here, shower ‘n watch telly?”

“Most excellent idea Rose!” the Doctor crowed.

He gave her a head start but despite his weakened state he soon drew up beside her. Rose was racing flat out, arms pumping, hair flying in the wind and she was loving it. It felt like all her troubles and stress of the previous days were being trampled beneath her flying feet. She looked over at him seeing his broad smile and grabbed his hand as they ran together.

When they finally stopped and got their breath back they turned to walk back to the TARDIS, Rose was feeling optimistic. “I reckon we worked out a few kinks with that run Doctor! I feel great!”

He smiled at her, nodding. “Yep, nothing like stretching out the limbs. Rose, can you give me back my tests results?”

Damn she thought. Shoulda never tried to put one over on him, even if it was to help him. “Sure,” she said, casually retrieving it from her pocket and handing it over, “you left it on the mattress.”

Glad she’d taken a picture of the test results so she could plead with the TARDIS later, she saw he remained relaxed and cheerful as he stuffed it in his pocket so she ventured a question. 

“You know how interested I am in all things Doctory so what’s it mean? You said it was cyclical. What’s that mean? How can your blood readout change that much in cycles.” 

“I might look human Rose but I’m not. I am a complicated event in time and space.”

“You can say that again,” Rose murmured. “Guess you best eat a bunch of bananas when we get back.”

“Any time is a good time to eat bananas Rose but why as soon as we get back?” 

Looking up at him confused, she said, “Doctor, you said you needed potassium to fix the blood reading results. Don’t you remember?”

“How odd, I don’t remember saying it.”

“Yeah,” Rose agreed, “and it’s not the only time. I’m worried about you Doctor cuz you don’t forget stuff. So far the blood test is the only test that shows us something is wrong but I don’t know what the words mean but I’m proper worried about you.”

“Come along Rose. Tonight we’ll have a nice dinner and evening in the TARDIS and in the morning we’ll study the test results together.”

Rose hurried in front of him and looked up in his eyes, while walking backwards. “Really Doctor? We can review them together?”

He nodded, smiling with evident amusement.

“It’s just that I’ve been so scared for you and not knowing how to help you, well, it’s been a proper terror. I’d hate to let you down cuz you mean the world to me Doctor.”

Stopping in place, he gently reached out and rubbed his thumb over her cheek, capturing her gaze and betraying his affection for her. “Thank you Rose. I’d be lost without your help. It pains me to know I’ve been the cause of your fear and ....your terror.”

For a few fleeting seconds Rose saw his deep sadness and regret but then he blinked and declared, “Come along then,” grabbing her hand and leading them forward. “We still have a ways to go!”

They had a ways to go to the TARDIS but Rose’s instincts told her they were running out of time to figure out what was wrong with him. 

“Doctor, when we get back d’ya reckon we should go full on jim jams?”

“Oh yes Rose! We’re on TARDIS downtime! How could we not?”

They ran the rest of the way feeling recharged and hopeful. Rose was reassured to see his eyes dancing with happiness.

There was lots of teasing all the way home and throughout the evening. Apart from separate showers, they stayed close to each other. The Doctor ate heartily at dinner wondering out loud if Rose was going to record his meal in her diary.

“Doncha go gettin’ interested in my diary Mister,” Rose laughed. “Ya promised to respect my privacy!”

“I made no such promise Rose! Besides,I’m not myself. There’s no telling what I might do under the circumstances!”

“I’ll fight ya for it so best mind how ya go!” she threatened but her eyes twinkled.

Then there were the usual arguments over what to watch on telly. Rose wanted to watch Intergalactic Love Stories from the Brendazi Galaxy and the Doctor insisted on ‘Weird and Wonderful Creatures of Calucid Three’. Unless Rose chose to cave in she always won and the truth was the Doctor didn’t care because when she won he took great pleasure in nit picking every error in production values not to mention dialogue until Rose ordered him to shut it as she followed the story with rapt attention. 

The Doctor nit picked because he knew Rose’s solution to shut him up was to sit right next to him. Rose, on the other hand, always enjoyed curling into him, especially during her romance stories. This time she noticed something different.

“Doctor,” she asked, “you sure yer okay? You feel warmer than usual.”

“Nothing to worry about Rose. Might be related to the blood test results but we’ll get to the bottom of it in the morning.”

“‘Kay,” she agreed, “thanks for includin’ me Doctor. We gotta get ya back to health.”  
It wasn’t long after that she fell asleep. He lifted her carefully and tucked her in her bed.

The hours could be long for him. Trying to fill them, trying to endure the seconds, hours, days, years and centuries as they passed. Watching Rose sleep he forgot about time passing because she made the days pass quickly filled as they were with laughter and fun. She had proven her merit too. She had not abandoned him in times of trouble.

Sometime later he was surprised and curious to discover he felt unwell. His eyes drifted closed as he tried to sense his internal functions. He was perspiring and feeling woozy. Yes, woozy, now there was a scientific term if ever he heard one. 

Awkwardly he shifted around slipping off his jim jam top, bottoms and lastly he ripped off his tee and was left standing in his pants. He was still perspiring, yet shivering! Dazed, he saw the clear spot beside Rose. The sheets would be cool. She’d be there. She’d help him. She always made him better.

Swaying unsteadily he tried to focus on the imagined cool spot beside Rose. If he could just lay down with his bare back on those cool sheets he wouldn’t feel like fire. Despite his confusion he managed to get on the bed and sighed as he sprawled on the cool sheets and drifted into fire fuelled dreams.

Gradually and unwillingly, Rose woke throwing off her blankets. Shifting uncomfortably she tried to get back to sleep but at the back of her mind she remembered she was in the library. The TARDIS kept her room warmer than the rest of the ship. How could she be too warm in the library?

“Doctor,” she groaned, knowing he’d still be here. But no one answered. Then she realized the heat was beside her and she cracked open her eye, stunned to see the Doctor lying there. Like a spring she hurled herself up and scrambled out of bed to his side.

“Blimey, he’s on fire,” she gasped as she tested his forehead. “Oh this is bad, so bad!”


	11. Chapter 11

Barely awake Rose raced from the library to the galley freezers where she found large bags of ice cubes. Hauling them back to the library, racing to spread the ice close to his armpits, some between his legs and the rest on his torso, she ripped the comforter off the bed, tucking it around him to hold the ice in place. Retrieving two more bags she propped them against his sides and then, shaking and panting, she raced to the loo, wetting a cloth with cold water and returned to place it on his forehead.

How long? How long had he been like this? Time Lords had cooler body temperatures than humans so fevers were very bad for them and the Doctor was on fire. Had the fever affected his brain? 

Distraught, Rose worried he was in a coma. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She didn’t want to leave him but she jumped up and ran to the infirmary to grab the temperature gauge. When she returned she took his temperature. She had to wait twenty minutes before it went down one degree. One degree! It wasn’t happening fast enough!

Then the TARDIS materialized a body pad which was very cold and heavy! The ship knew her pilot was in trouble. Rose hauled it up on the bed shoving and pushing it bit by bit over his body right up to his neck. Twenty minutes later his temperature dropped three degrees.

“Oh Doctor,” she whispered in his ear, “don’t leave me, please don’t leave me!”

Taking his temperature every ten minutes she watched it drop slowly but steadily. It didn’t relieve her anxiety. He’d been a furnace. For pity’s sake, the heat from his body woke her up! Given his lower body temperature, what had his fever done to his brain? In an attempt to further chill the tap water in the loo she’d filled the sink with ice cubes so she could dip her cloth in the ice cold water to put on his forehead, to keep his mighty brain cool. But was she too late?

When another hour went by and he didn’t wake Rose didn’t know what to do but keep doing what she had been doing. If only she knew what his normal temperature should be. She thought he’d said 87 or maybe 88. She knew it was lower than human temperatures by a lot. At least she could take comfort that he wasn’t in danger from being enshrined in his frigid covering. 

Taking his temperature again she saw it was 89. Probably feverish for him but nowhere near as bad. If he was going to come around it would be soon. Her heart leapt when he stirred a few minutes later. She hurried to his side of the bed, staring down at him. He shifted, groaning, probably at the unfamiliar weight of the cold thermal covering. Then his eyes popped open and he saw her looking down at him.

“Hello Rose Tyler,” he greeted. “Mind telling me where I am?”

“You’re in my bed, Doctor.”

“I’d never get in your bed Rose!”

“I’m gonna try not to be offended by that ya know!”

Confused the Doctor frowned which reminded Rose she needed to test him to make sure he was okay.

“What time is it on Earth?” Rose demanded, looking down at him surrounded by bags of half melted ice.

“Where on Earth?” the Doctor asked conversationally, looking up at her from the bed.

“London, naturally.”

“Two thirty-two and twenty-three seconds pm.”

“Where and when were you born?”

“Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborus. As to when, you know I don’t remember how old I am but approximately 900 years ago give or take a few years.”

“What did you promise me we would do together this morning?”

“Review my blood test results. What’s with the inquisition Rose?”

Rose collapsed down beside him sitting on the floor and resting her head on the mattress.

“I was testin’ ya to see if yer brain got fried from your high fever. You’ve been so sick Doctor.”

Freeing up one arm he reached down and took her hand. “I’m so sorry I’ve been such a trial. Once again you’ve saved me Rose. Thank you. And don’t think it’s escaped my attention you pulled a Jackie Tyler on me,” he chuckled.

“How do you feel Doctor?” she asked looking up at him.

“Well to be honest I’m feeling rather clammy but other than that and thanks to Jackie’s spot on remedies I am none the worse for wear.”

“No wonder yer clammy cuz you were so hot you were melting the ice cubes as fast as I could pack them around you. Here, I’ll help haul that heavy cover off you.”

“No need Rose.” 

It had taken all her strength to haul the covering over him but he tossed it aside like it was merely a bed sheet. Swinging his legs around beside her he cupped her chin.

“I’m sorry Rose this has been so hard on you. I don’t think I would have survived without you.”

“You’d have regenerated right Doctor?”

“Probably, course it’s a bit of a crap shoot.”

He was naked except for his pants and she watched him walk to the sofa thinking how gorgeous he was. As he reached for his jim jam bottoms he asked, “Getting an eyeful Rose Tyler?”

“You betcha cuz I saved yer gorgeous arse and lovely mole by the way.”

“Oh yes, it is a lovely mole! Pity to hide it really!” Swinging on his dressing gown he turned to smile at her.

His face softened seeing her sitting beside the bed with her head resting on the mattress. She looked frazzled, disheveled and exhausted. No wonder! Just being near him was bloody demanding. But Rose fought like hell to be in that exact place, near him!

Watching her eyes close, she slid into sleep. He removed all the debris from his cold rescue then gently lifted her, laying her on the sofa and covering her. “Sleep well, Rose. I’ll be back shortly.”

It was the fever that gave him his first clue of what was wrong with him. In some way the fever had acted as a cleanser of sorts burning through his recent fog of confusion. Looking back over the last month all the events fit into his hypothesis. 

It had happened before, almost three hundred years ago. It was going to be difficult to explain it to Rose but she deserved the truth. She’d been true and faithful and she hadn’t given up on him.

In the galley he made them breakfast and returned to the library where the smell of food dragged Rose from sleep.

“Is that an English breakfast?,” she growled. “Gawd, I’m starvin’!”

“Chow down then,” he chortled. “Tea?”

She swung her legs around and swept her frazzled locks behind her ears and took her first bite. “Hmmm, yum Doctor! This is gorgeous!”

He liked that Rose ate with gusto when she was hungry. She was honest and didn’t put on airs. He slipped her tea toward her, prepared just the way she liked it.”

When she finished, she wiped her mouth and declared, “Blimey that was good Doctor. A little rude of me but all I could do was inhale that food. Didn’t even ask how you are! Sorry ‘bout that.”

“The fever is gone and I feel much better. I have greater clarity and, even more, I’m quite certain there was no permanent damage from the fever. All thanks to you Rose.”

“I’m so glad Doctor. You had me at my wits end if I’m honest.”

“I’d bet on your wits any time Rose.”

She smiled but got down to business. “So what’s on the agenda?” She waited to know if he would honor his promise.

“Well, I need a shower after the night I’ve had but then I propose we meet back here to go over the test results.”

Rose nodded her head vigorously. “I’ll be back in fifteen. Is that too much separation Doctor?”

“It’ll be fine Rose. However, I think it unlikely, based on my experience, you could complete your preening and be back here in fifteen minutes.”

“Ten Quid?” she quipped back.

“You’re on!”

Thirteen minutes later the Doctor had showered, shaved, changed into fresh jimjams and assumed his seat. At fourteen minutes, to the Doctor’s astonishment, Rose ran into the library.

“Oh well done Rose Tyler! The things you can do for ten quid!”

“Yeah, well don’t ever say I don’t know the value of a quid! So ya ready Doctor?”

“Yes, I am.” He unfolded the test results and dropped them on the table. “These results show a rather dramatic change in my hormone levels. To review, hormones are a regulatory substance produced in an organism and transported in tissue fluids, such as blood, to stimulate specific cells or tissues into action.”

Rose was the picture of attentiveness and she knew there was going to be more science talk before he got to the point. It was his way to sidle up to subjects he found difficult to discuss. As a result she’d have to pay close attention if she was to decipher his problem.

“So, I thought hormones were about...reproduction?” she asked, managing to avoid saying ‘sex’ at the last second, for fear it might cause him to clam up.

“Actually, hormones help regulate many bodily processes, such as appetite, sleep and growth. In Time Lords they are critical to the development of our telepathy and time sense and a host of other characteristics. Sex hormones are those that play an essential role in sexual development and reproduction.”

“Okay, got it. So yer hormones are outta whack and that’s causin’ the storm. But d’ya know what’s making the hormones wonky.”

“You were right Rose. It is you.”

Her voice was small when she asked, “So you want me to leave?”  
“Well,” the Doctor began, “no I don’t want you to leave. It’s just that we need to make some changes.”

“What kinda changes?”

“We need to spend more time apart.”


	12. Chapter 12

Rose didn’t want to spend more time apart and she was upset. It felt like he was not leveling with her. “But Doctor, I’ve been with you for over a year. So why now? Why didn’t this business with the storm happen before? And you said the storm happened when I left you yet now we have to spend more time apart?”

The Doctor knew he’d have to level with her, explain all the embarrassing details. She was too smart with too much insight to let him get away with anything less.

“When we first began traveling together we spent much more time apart. Remember Rose? I had my duties and activities and you had to sleep. Plus we were strangers getting to know each other. Often during our adventures we split up so we could work on different parts of the problems we were trying to solve. The rest of the time, let’s face it, we were fighting the monsters and trying to stay alive.”

Rose understood he was trying to explain why they had to put some distance between themselves but she wanted to shake him and demand he get to the point but the Doctor didn’t work like that, especially when the conversation was difficult for him.

“Anyhow, my point is, we spent a lot of time apart. When we were together it was pleasant and fun and I think you would agree that over time we grew closer as friends, spent more time together and we enjoyed it, at least I did.”

He looked at her. “You agree Rose?”

“Yes, of course Doctor. I agree.”

“When our adventures went sideways and proved particularly harrowing we looked after each other, often staying together and licking our wounds. Eventually we even looked forward to jim jam nights in the library. Then we progressed to regularly eating together, doing fun activities together and I did more of my work at night when you slept. Soon we spent most of our time together but it happened gradually.”

Well, at least this is getting more interesting Rose thought as he paused gathering his thoughts. He seemed to be working himself closer to an explanation of what the hell was going on.

Finally he resumed his tortured explanation. “See, I should never have allowed that to happen but I didn’t think it was possible to be affected in the way I was. It’s been so long. I never had to think about it since Gallifrey.”

Now Rose was totally confused without the foggiest notion where he was going with his explanation but he seemed to be going somewhere so she decided not to interrupt.

Then out of the blue he shocked her. “Rose, you know I am aware when you are menstruating. I can smell it.”

Rose blushed a deep pink and groaned, “Oh gawd, that’s so embarrassing!”

Genuinely puzzled the Doctor asked, “Why? It’s just nature Rose.”

Letting his question go without response Rose asked, “But Doctor what has my cycle got to do with what is happening to you?”

“Everything really,” he replied. “You see, on Gallifrey, Time Ladies suppressed the scent associated with menses. When they wanted to stimulate a Time Lord’s interest they did not suppress thus the Time Lord knew he was being pursued and when the Time Lady would be most fertile.”

Cheekily Rose used his words against him. “Don’t be embarrassed Doctor, it’s nature.”

“Yes, quite right. My point is, despite our many superior abilities and faculties, Time Lords remain driven by baser instincts in some ways.”

“Must be gross for ya to muck about like us humans,” Rose smirked.

“Anyway, it’s been centuries since the whole matter was consequential for me.”

Rose knew that simple sentence was woefully inadequate to describe the lifetimes of aloneness for him, without the love of a partner of his own kind.

“I’m sorry Doctor. I shouldn’t have said that. It was thoughtless.” 

“It’s alright Rose.”

“Hang on, are you saying my period triggered you?”

“Yes, menses awakens the Time Lord’s interest in the fertile period that follows menstruation, since that’s when mating occurs. From the time of menses to the mating a Time Lord will stay close so no interloper can steal the prize. Unconsciously I responded to what I interpreted as your invitation to mate,” he explained.

“I was quite unaware why I was staying close to you. But that wasn’t all. I realize now that I was also unconsciously signaling my willingness to mate so each time you left my side for quite innocent and appropriate reasons, I saw it as cruel rejection. Your rejection generated anger and the anger fueled the storm.”

Rose was staring at him stunned and just as she was about to speak the Doctor held up his hand.

“I’m not finished yet Rose, almost but not quite. You see, I didn’t suspect any of this was happening because well, it never occurred to me you could trigger me. You are not a Time Lady. All my reactions were instinct.”

Feeling modestly better now that he’d finished explaining a difficult, revealing and private matter, he couldn’t help noticing his companion’s gobsmacked expression. Knowing she would have a load of questions he waited for the onslaught.

“So Time Lords only mate if triggered and only have sex once a month during the fertile period?” she asked. “Don’t they love each other? Do they stay together after?”

“What? What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Cuz I’m interested in you and learning about what it’s like where ya come from.”

Grumbling his irritation, the Doctor frowned. “Seems like lurid fascination Rose Tyler. Time Lords mate non-stop beginning after menstruation until inception. If the couple are compatible they may chose to remain together or not. Satisfied?”

“But, didn’t they ever get married just because they loved each other?” Rose asked softly.

“Sometimes Rose. We called it bonding...a permanent mental and physical connection between them.”

“Okay, so how come my, watcha call it, mensies would affect you? I mean I’m human.”

“Yes, that is a puzzle to me too and to be honest I haven’t the foggiest notion, at least not yet.”

“Okay. But Doctor, why’d you lie about your blood analysis?”

“I did not lie! It did show a low potassium count and to increase it, one remedy is pure banana. As for the rest of the results. I knew what the results were describing but I wasn’t sure why.” 

“When did ya figure it out?”

“It was the fever. It made me remember an experience a long time ago. I was triggered by a Time Lady then. I thought she wanted me as her mate but she rejected me for the purpose of amusing her friends with my smitten devotion. Eventually the fever came. I barely survived.”

Rose flew into his arms, “How could she do that to you Doctor? What a bitch!”

The Doctor laughed, hugging her. “Yes she was Rose but that was a long, long time ago.”

“Doctor, I didn’t know I was rejecting you. You know that right? I thought I was leavin’ to sleep in my bed cuz I had a sore neck. If I would have known all this I would never have left. I would never reject you.”

“It’s alright Rose. Neither of us knew and for all I know my perception that you were rejecting me was fuelled by my humiliation so many years earlier.”

Rose clung to him because his life had so many elements of tragedy but through it all he managed to hang onto a strong morality. The Doctor took comfort in her embrace knowing that keeping his distance from her would be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do.

“So what are we gonna do now? I don’t want to spend more time away from you. I like the way things are now.”

“I know Rose. Me too, I am not looking forward to changing our enjoyable routine.”

“Maybe, there’s a technology solution. Like, ya know how pee changes color if ya eat asparagus well, maybe I could eat somethin’ that would change my scent at that particular time.”

The Doctor chuckled, hugging her. “The things you think of Rose Tyler! But there’s a kernel of an idea in what you say.”

“How long would we have to stay apart?”

“We’d have to go back to how it was when we first started traveling together.”

Rose frowned. “But it’d be like ignoring how we’ve grown together. We wouldn’t even be able to eat together very often!”

“Yes,” he admitted. He was actually dreading it. He liked Rose Tyler’s company. “I don’t like it anymore than you do Rose.”

“Yeah? ‘Course there is one sure fire thing we could do to avoid separating.”


	13. Chapter 13

He looked at her closely. “Are you thinking what I think you are?”

“Depends what you think I’m thinking,” she drawled.

“We’re different species Rose. It would never work.”

“Physical differences?”

The Doctor refused to answer but Rose was way too fascinated to give up.

“I’m gonna say apparently not cuz ‘member you said Time Lords impregnated Earth women in the past.”

The Doctor jumped to his feet, pacing with nervous energy. “Those Time Lords trampled on their virtue for fleeting pleasure with alien women and then left them high and dry with alien children who would be different, alone with no one to help them with their special differences. And that assumes the women survived their pregnancies! They did it because they knew they’d never be caught by the Time Lord counsel and censured! And I was trying to do the same thing to you because I couldn’t bloody well figure out what was going on!”

Perceiving his agitation, Rose spoke softly, “You’re not like that Doctor.”

“Rose, stop it! It wouldn’t work because we’re different species. If we were together we’d read each other’s signals wrong and before long feelings would be hurt and we would end up resenting each other and it would all end in acrimony? I don’t want to lose you like that Rose.”

“I don’t believe that Doctor cuz we’re not like that. It’s not the way we relate and that’s why we get along. Plus, I’m the one who talks about her feelings so you’d know what they were. And no, I’m not taking your concerns lightly. I know you don’t like talkin’ ‘bout your feelings but you don’t like hurtin’ people either. I know we’d learn and we could be happy together ‘n deep down I think you want that.”

Suddenly he grabbed her by her shoulders and gave her a shake. “Listen to me Rose. You think you know me but you do not! You know the face I show you. Nothing more!”

Rose didn’t buckle as she faced his fierce countenance. “I think you’re scared Doctor, scared to let me in, let me close to you. But I would never hurt you.”

He scowled at her and pushed her away from him. Turning his back on her he spit out, “I’ve been hurt before but you have no idea how I could hurt you! Being with Time Lords is physically and mentally demanding. When we need we take! To save the whole we sacrifice others! You’ll leave like all the others.”

Rose was not deterred, “I never told you before because I knew ya didn’t want to hear it but I do love you.”

Turning, the Doctor’s countenance was no less angry. “Oh that’s a doozy of a cultural misstep! Did it never occur to you what you are asking of me? A flash in the pan of years watching you die, is that what you’re offering?”

“I’m sorry I’m human Doctor. I’m offerin’ ya all I have to offer - my love and all the years I have left. To a Time Lord I reckon that’s not much but it’s more than bein’ alone. None of us know how much time we have with someone but whatever time we could have together, you get to decide if it’s worth it.”

Leaving her words hanging in the air she turned to leave the library. She knew he needed time to think and to calm down. She’d put all her cards on the table and now it was his decision. 

Damn, damn the Doctor thought but she hadn’t said she would leave.

Over the next few days she didn’t see him and had no idea how he was doing. He wasn’t there when she went for meals and must be avoiding her. He was probably trackin’ her bloomin’ mensies or whatever. 

He’d moved the TARDIS from the planet and for the moment they were safe in the vortex but she worried he’d be called to fix some disaster and wouldn’t take her and then get himself in trouble. 

On the fourth day since she’d seen him he slipped a note under her door. ‘Hello Rose, just thought it important to mention Time Lord relations are different than human relations in material ways.’ The Doctor.

Rose smiled to know he’d been thinking of her offer. Hmmm, how should she reply? Finally she rooted through her bureau for a pen and replied. 

‘Hiya Doctor. I miss you. I reckon love is having someone who is always looking out for you, helping you and staying beside you. What ‘material ways’ do you mean?’ P.S. There’s banana bread in the freezer for you. Luv Rose xxoo

She left her note in the galley and then made her way to the pool to swim laps. It would take her mind off things and exercise helped her sleep. It would allow him time to find her note and reply.

When she got back to her room she smiled to see he’d left another note under her door.

‘Rose. Thank you for the banana bread tip. Remember I said Time Lords bond when they decide to stay together? A bond is a permanent telepathic connection that allows Time Lord/Lady to converse if they are physically separated and contributes to the physical pleasures of a bonded relationship. I miss you too. BTW what does xxoo mean?’ The Doctor 

Rose chewed on the end of her pen thinking about her reply.

‘Hi Doctor. I’m guessing being bonded must be comforting. I wish I could because you wouldn’t be so worried when I wandered off. You could ask in my mind - Where the hell are you Tyler!? But even though I couldn’t enter your mind you could enter mine if you want. Plus most of the time I know what you’re thinking anyway (too many examples to outline here). As for physical pleasures I think I can rattle your bones old man! I always see the best in you Doctor and I miss you R xxoo(kisses and hugs)!

Returning to the galley to leave her note she was sure he was hovering nearby. He’d been in the galley looking for her reply because she caught his scent. He always smelled good like vanilla. He must have heard her coming and ducked out. Leaving her reply she left quickly.

Sitting at the table the Doctor read Rose’s note several times and he could not suppress his smile. She was so sure she was right although she didn’t have the slightest idea what a relationship with him would mean. 

He’d never made a success of them on Gallifrey and since the Time War the few times he’d given in to loneliness and the need for comfort it had ended with rejection that wounded him. The closer people got to him the less they liked him and that was a hard truth he’d had to face.

He was ashamed of what he’d almost done to Rose. If she’d innocently stayed with him he might have forced himself on her and the thought of her disgust made him feel sick. But now she was pursuing him but he knew how that would likely end.

Still, quite by chance, the notes were presenting an opportunity. His first note was conceived as an explanation intended to assure her there was nothing wrong with her, just species incompatibility. 

She didn’t buy it in her answer assuring him she loved him and asking more questions. Rose was plucky and curious but she was also thoughtful and kind. Maybe these notes were a way to make sure she was fully informed. If she still wanted him could he bring himself to take another risk? 

To his surprise he found himself eager to respond to her notes and knew he was setting himself up for a harsh dose of reality. But he believed in Rose Tyler.

‘Rose, You would let me in your mind? Are you sure? Weren’t you the one dead set against the invasion of privacy? How are you doing? You must have more questions so I await your next note. I miss you too Rose Tyler. The Doctor’ P.S. xxoo

‘Doctor, Yes I’m sure and I’m not taking it lightly. I’ve thought about it and I know you wouldn’t take advantage and even though your brain does more stuff than mine I reckon you’ll be careful. I’m playing for keeps. And nothing lasts forever, not even you. I miss you Doctor. Rose xxoo p.s. What did you mean when you said being with Time Lords was physically and mentally challenging? p.p.s. Are you keeping track of my mensies?’ 

‘Rose, I shouldn’t be surprised you would make this offer because you are open minded, one of the many things I admire about you. I doubt you know that a telepath with no mind contact feels starved. It would be challenging for you because my mind is very busy and would be overwhelming. As for the physical challenge, I’ll just say we are designed to mate frequently. Yes I am keeping track of your menses. I keep track of everything. I miss you too. The Doctor xxoo’

‘Doctor, let’s do an experiment okay? I’ll meet you in the library at six so you can give it a try? I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see you again! Please! Rose xxoo’


	14. Chapter 14

She’d called his bluff! Knowing how strongly she’d rejected mind sharing in the past, he thought mentioning it would dissuade her from pursuing him. Now the ball was in his court and he was not surprised at the lure her offer held for him. But how humiliating would it be to share his mind with her only to have her reject the contact. Why in Rassilon’s name had he even raised it?

But it was too late now and he couldn’t not show up, not when it was Rose. He’d have to explain his reservations at least. Best he get a shower and get ready before the meeting. He was nervous about seeing her but he was also looking forward to it even though it would probably end badly. He prided himself on his knowledge of Earth customs but he was rubbish at his personal relationships.

Rose didn’t know if he’d show up but just in case she was determined to look her best so she headed to the shower to begin preparations. She knew he might not agree to the mind meld straight away but at least she would see him. He would think it dishonorable not to be there if only to explain in person why he didn’t want to proceed. Determined to be prepared for that, she intended to have some persuasive arguments ready.

The Doctor stopped fiddling with his hair irritated with himself for his foolish attempt to improve his appearance for her. He was giving into hope it might work and that was a fool’s errand. Angry at himself, he ripped on his fresh suit and headed to the library wanting to get there ahead of Rose so he could calm down. What in Rassilon’s name was wrong with him?

With her nails and toes painted, light make-up which he preferred, black slacks and her best jumper she headed to the library with the butterflies in her stomach flapping furiously.

Arriving early the Doctor walked nervously through the stacks, hoping to find a book he could read while he waited. Rassilon he wasn’t even honest with himself. He only wanted a bloody book to make it look like he was casually reading, and not in the least nervous. With that realization he grabbed the nearest tome, not even aware of its subject and headed to the sofa.

Rose hurried into the library and called his name. The Doctor sprang to his feet. “Rose! I’m here.”

Rushing to him Rose threw her arms around him. “I missed you Doctor, so much! Thank you for coming!”

He breathed her in but try as he might he was unable to let her go. Rose murmured in his ear, “I’m so happy to see you!”

“I missed you too. I’ve missed talking to you.”

Nodding in his arms she laughed, “I was like a giddy school girl waiting for your notes ya know.”

The Doctor laughed as they broke their embrace. 

Spying the book he’d retrieved from the library on the sofa table, Rose observed. “Gawd you musta been bored to be reading ‘Common Aphorisms of the Sanumet Star System’. What’s an aphorism?”

“Pithy and often highly amusing sayings.”

“Here’s hoping every education is a useful journey,” Rose snickered. “Your hair looks especially nice today Doctor.”

“Thank you Rose,” he beamed, glad he’d fiddled. “You look lovely.”

“Guess we best get to it then Doctor. Mind if I ask a few questions before we try it?”

“Go on then Rose. You wouldn’t be you without questions.”

They sat facing each other and neither seemed aware they were still holding hands. 

“Doctor, are ya gonna be affected because we’re together right now and if this mind meld doesn’t work how long can we be together in a typical month?”

“No, today’s get together will be short plus the fever marked the end of your fertile period. As for the time we can safely spend together, fortunately you are regular as clockwork, so to be on the safe side we must be separated three days before onset and from the first day of menstruation to the end of the eleventh day.”

“Blimey that’s two weeks!” Rose moaned. “What about disguising the scent?” She blushed red even though the Doctor was approaching the topic with clinical detachment.

“The thing is to get past my olfactory prowess would take a pretty strong scent. The problem is I’d know why you smelled that way. It’s quite possible the substitute scent would trigger me too.”

“Ok then I might not have this right but you tell me. First, my period triggers you to stay close ‘til the coast is clear to mate. If you’re refused and don’t mate the storm comes. Second, you don’t have to have a, watcha call it...a bond in order to, well, to mate. Right?”

The Doctor nodded she’d got it right.

“But,” she continued, “you do need a telepathic connection to mate. So if we wanted to be together you’d need to be in my mind but would you need me to be in your mind?”   
“Being in your mind would be sufficient,” he said without emotion. Rose knew he probably felt as embarrassed as she did.

“So we avoid each other for two weeks each month or we have sex which would be possible so long as you were in my mind.” 

He nodded tersely. 

Seeing his face Rose felt bad for him. She hadn’t understood the full extent of his isolation from others but knew it spanned centuries. “Doctor, I’m not trying to pry but why didn’t you try to connect with other telepaths in the universe?”

Grimly he replied, “Telepathic frequencies are different between species, not to mention physical incompatibilities Rose. Time Lords can telepathically communicate with most telepaths but human minds, under certain conditions, are receptive to our telepathy for more than communication even though they are not themselves telepaths.” 

Rose could see how miserable he looked. She squeezed his hand in sympathy but not pity and she wanted him to know there was a difference.

“Remember Doctor when you said interspecies relationships don’t work because we’d read each other’s signals wrong and feelings would be hurt ‘n we’d end up resentin’ each other? Well, I give you Exhibit One to prove that concern does not apply to us - this whole conversation we’ve just had!”

The Doctor looked up, curiosity coloring his expression.

“I mean we just waded through a difficult, I’d say embarrassin’, interspecies conversation involvin’ real personal stuff ‘bout each of us. I mean ya don’t get much baser than talkin’ about a girl’s monthly affectin’ her friend’s sex drive, right?”  
If we can face this and talk about it together don’cha think we can overcome other misunderstandings.”

Finally the Doctor smiled. “You have a good point Rose.”

“So, you said humans are receptive under certain conditions. What conditions?”

Feeling more at ease the Doctor explained, “I could enter your mind, with your permission, to help diagnose medical conditions, dampen pain or communicate a message. For sex, for sharing how I feel, I would need to shield you from the busyness of my mind or you could feel overwhelmed.”

“Okay, so, here’s what I’m thinkin’. Instead of rushin’ into sex, what if you tried enterin’ my mind first. Ya know, start with small steps.”  
Seeing he hadn’t freaked out she added to his comfort level. “Even if ya don’t wanna be together sexually, I want you to feel free to enter my mind cuz maybe ya won’t feel like you’re starvin’. I don’t have great thoughts like your kind do but maybe it would help you. I sure hope so. What d’ya think?”

Her willingness to do anything she could to help him demanded a response. Ultimately he knew he had to try the telepathy with her if only to honor her offer. He had his qualms nevertheless. If she couldn’t tolerate the experience she would feel she’d failed him and he would be left like a drug addict desperate for more.

“Thank you Rose. Thank you for your kindness to me and for your understanding. Please don’t blame yourself if you find you can’t tolerate the connection or even if you just don’t like it. Okay?”

“Go on then Doctor. I’m ready ‘n eager.”

He touched her temples, unable to control his trembling fingers. He tried, he really tried not to flood her with his mental presence. He’d forgotten that mental connections between Time Lords were disciplined and controlled, less laden with emotions. With Rose he was immediately overcome with her whirlwind of hopes and wishes that she could relieve the pain of his deprivation. 

Shaking he tried to stem the tide, the onslaught of her emotions that mentally staggered him. He struggled to find the strength to reach for and apply the mental disciplines of old that would give him the perspective to survive reliving the pain if she was unable to offer him this sanctuary again. 

He knew he was in serious trouble when he stopped trying to shield himself from the gushing torrent of emotions. Whatever control he had slipped away and he welcomed it. Intoxicated, he let the bombardment wash over him like rays of sun shining just for him. It had been so long, so very long. He felt like he was swooning, floating euphoric in the dead space in his mind now gloriously alive with her presence. 

He was so taken with the waves of warmth he surrendered his last grasp on control and basked in ecstatic joy. But his respite was short lived when his bliss was interrupted by Rose’s physical and mental distress. It was her shaking frame and oddly flapping hands that broke through his euphoria and caught his attention. He whimpered at the lost contact as her mind darkened into unconsciousness. Withdrawing, he opened his eyes and saw her slump.

Cursing, he gently placed her down on the sofa whispering his thanks. It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t tolerate his presence in her mind. She wasn’t rejecting him. She just wasn’t able. He’d selfishly agreed to this and now he’d suffer the consequences including the siren call for more, more, beating relentlessly in his mind like a powerful craving. All he’d done was wake it from its slumber! 

He deserved to be alone and the sooner he accepted it the better off he’d be. With a sigh he got up to leave to get her tea. He dreaded the deprivation that would haunt him once again. 

Before he got to the corridor he heard her call him and he hesitated. Maybe she had been hurt by the experience.

She called to him again. “Doctor, is this where you quit on me? Is this when you let me go?”

He turned quickly walking back to her.

Looking up at him she stunned him. “You never run from a necessary fight. Am I not worth a fight?” she accused. “I’ll fight with you and I won’t give up on us havin’ a chance. But for pity’s sake give me a chance to adapt!”


	15. Chapter 15

Kneeling beside where she lay on the sofa, his eyes betrayed his concern for her. 

“How is your head feeling Rose?”

“I’m okay Doctor, really. You, not so much, right?”

“I’m always alright.”

“Liar,” she accused but her eyes were soft. She knew the experience had provoked strong reactions in him.

“What happened from your point of view?”

“Well, it was real good at first Doctor. It was good cuz I could feel what you were feelin’ ‘n I knew somehow you felt....well....the way you were born to be and I was so relieved ya know, like I was helpin’ ya. Doctor, I thought I knew what the loss of your telepathy meant to you but I didn’t...not even close. For you it’s far more than losin’ one of your senses. It’s like your mind is always reachin’ out, searchin’ but there’s nothing there. It’s always aching to touch and feel!”

The Doctor hugged her grateful for her understanding and comfort. 

“But that’s not all Doctor. I could tell you understood, no, that you believed how I felt about you. I knew you were happy, really over the moon but then your feelings and mine got all mixed up cuz time was churnin’ ‘n churnin’, galaxies spinnin’ ‘n spinnin’. It was all whirlin’ around ‘n it made me dizzy. I started to panic cuz I couldn’t take it all in or block it out!”  
“Blimey Rose, I’m amazed you took all that from the experience. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was supposed to be the guide but I got lost in the experience I’ve missed for so long. Frankly I was so beguiled I couldn’t pull myself away. It’s my fault. I should have been more disciplined.”

“I think I understand Doctor. It’s like somethin’ precious you lost got returned. I don’t want you to suffer again so I reckon we have to practice and we need to be better prepared. I was thinkin’ maybe we should decide on a specific thing we both think about like a red ball, somethin’ real simple.”

“You want to try again? Now? The Doctor was incredulous.

“Yes, of course. We can’t quit now!”

“You sure?” the Doctor probed, ecstatic when she nodded with certainty. He was determined to be a better guide this time. 

“Maybe when you imagine your red ball put a symbol on it and I’ll put one on mine. If you feel lost look for your ball and use it as a mental anchor, a touchstone to reassert your sense of self. I’ll dampen my time sense too. Do you want some tea first?”

“That’s a terrific idea Doctor but let’s do this first, then tea, ‘kay?”

He admitted to himself that he’d been shaken by the experience just as much as she had because he’d been overwhelmed by the joy of reconnection and too absorbed by it to dampen the noise for her.

“Oh wait Doctor! I forgot somethin’. I’m guessin’ you’re worried what will happen to you if we make a go of this. It would be so cruel to feel back to your own self but then lose your telepathic contact again if somethin’ happens to me. We need to talk about that but I want you to know it’s your decision if we continue or not ‘n I’m gonna respect your decision.”

Again he was surprised how much she’d instinctively grasped from their brief telepathic encounter and relieved she understood his quandary.

“Thank you Rose. I appreciate your understanding. Now, I’ll take a few minutes to prepare.”

The Doctor marshaled his Time Lord disciplines and shielded his time sense. Mentally he formed his red ball and placed his symbol, a Caduceus, the Greek symbol for medicine, on the ball. He was determined to control himself and help her.

Time Lord telepathic communication was disciplined, and orderly in matters of government, science and education. One could wonder what advantage it held over simply talking out loud. In any field of study, telepathy allowed for sharing visualizations of design concepts and was extremely useful. In matters of politics and power, telepathy, in the hands of skilled practitioners, could be cleverly wielded to reveal hidden alliances, schemes and plots.

But telepathy’s benefits were essential and enjoyable between bonded pairs and with friends, and family. The telepathic mind willingly conveyed the emotions felt by the participants creating restorative, idyllic bubbles of comfort and support.

He realized that Rose was his family, his only family besides the TARDIS. He had to protect her from the onslaught of his busy mind, at least for now. She would get better he knew just because she was open and willing and because she had absorbed so much during their first attempt. It was an open question whether he should allow this glorious awakening of his telepathy to continue. Entertaining the tantalizing idea of sex was out of the question so he carefully shielded his musings.

Slipping into her mind his first surprise was the enormous size of her red ball. Much larger than a beach ball their mindscape rippled with his laughter as it dawned on him she wanted her anchor to be easily reachable. But what he found puzzling was the symbol on her big red ball.

“Doctor,” she shouted, “why’s your ball got snakes on it?”

“No need to shout Rose. My image just looks far away but I can hear you. It’s a caduceus symbol, an Earth symbol for medicine and a Doctor’s oath to do no harm.”

“Yeah, well, I think it’s bonkers the symbol for medicine has snakes on it!” 

He could feel her delight and he was drawn to her brightness.

“So, I’ll start by complimenting you on the creation of such an enormous, vivid, red ball. I’m impressed Rose Tyler. It’s even segmented. That’s not easy for a novice. But, why the symbol? What’s it got to do with anything?”

“It just popped in my head but I do think it makes sense. See, they’re loyal and they mate for life and fight to the death to protect their families from harm.”

The Doctor’s eyebrow shot upwards. “So you picked a wolf instead of a rose. Interesting.”

“You coulda picked a big ‘D’ for Doctor ya know. But never mind, I’m guessing you are controllin’ your time sense to help me ‘n it’s really workin’ cuz I feel like I can handle this. I think I could handle more with practice. Maybe then you could be, I dunno, more yourself if ya didn’t have to protect me.”

“Rose, I’m still gobsmacked you created that ball. For a first attempt it’s really quite remarkable. Even Time Lords have to be taught how to use their telepathy. Creating imagery is one of the toughest things to do well yet you’ve done it instinctively. We all know what a wolf looks like in general but recreating the image in our minds usually doesn’t go much beyond cartoonish eyes, ears and fur. Yours includes much more detail. You’re a natural Rose.” 

In the days that followed the Doctor and Rose experimented with telepathy. The Doctor taught her how to dampen his ‘noise’, how to convey ideas and pictures and how to shield her thoughts. But Rose sensed his hunger for the telepathic contact.

They’d spent everyday together since they’d had their first contact with no mention of her cycle and it’s risk to him. It was like he’d forgotten the matter entirely. Everyday he entered her mind and rested there. Rose could feel his craving for the contact and never refused him but what would happen when he drained the cup she offered and found it would never quench his thirst? She wasn’t a telepath.

She knew it was getting close to her time of the month yet he’d not mentioned it, not even once. They should be separating now but how could she deny him access to her mind when he needed it so badly? Every day they met in the library and he spent hours in her mind. Even when he took her to planets he was in her mind just by maintaining any physical contact. It was like he’d come alive, like a light switch had turned on. He’d always been hyper active and full of enthusiasm but also skittish, and often she’d perceived his sadness. This was different. He was happy, delighted even and he seemed to glow with health and he was calmer, not as fidgety, not as manic.

She made a decision, one she suspected he’d made too, however unconsciously. When he was triggered, she would not deny him. She would initiate sex if necessary and protect him from the storm. Besides she loved him, was surprised how much she enjoyed the telepathy and had always wanted him anyway. 

They had climbed to the top of a waterfall and were sitting on nearby rocks when the Doctor looked at her in surprise. “You would want to be with me Rose?”

She was so used to him in her mind, she wasn’t used to shielding her thoughts. Not that she would have had she remembered.

“It wasn’t me who was against the idea Doctor. It was you, remember?”

“I remember.”

“Does it change your mind? Is it enough to convince you?”

“I’m lost in you everyday but I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“You’re not lost. You’re home. You won’t hurt me.”

Since she’d given him access to her mind she’d noticed the positive changes in him but she hadn’t realized the depth of his need until one morning she arrived in the galley an hour later than normal and found him tense and anxious. On instinct she went to him, raising his fingers to her head. When he slipped into her mind she felt him relax and his jittery behavior smoothed out. 

Later that same day he took her for a walk to a nearby town on a lovely little planet that offered delicious and hard-to-find vegetables that he described as power packed punches of nutrients. Coincidentally the magical veggies just happened to be close to a sweet shop. He gave her money to pay for the veg and, to her astonishment, he actually broke physical contact with her to enter the sweet shop. Apparently the Doctor’s sweet tooth dominated all priorities. Except one, Rose learned. 

She didn’t know it but she was being observed by a local ruffian as she went to pay for the vegetables. Then she moved on to browse the other stalls of the market, one of which was unattended and adjacent to an alley. Suddenly she was snatched and pulled into the alley. Dragged out of sight down the alley with her kidnapper’s hand firmly over her mouth she couldn’t scream out loud but she struggled and tried her best to kick and squirm out of his firm hold. In desperation her mind shrieked for the Doctor, even though he was unlikely to hear her since they were not in physical contact.

In the sweet shop the Doctor was purchasing an ever increasing supply of treats. He’d just paid, slipped the sweets in his pocket and left the shop when his head snapped up and he roared out her name. Exploding into action he navigated the busy market leaping over bins and wagons full of produce barreling unerringly towards her, leaving startled patrons and vendors angrily shouting after him. 

He was rage and fear, a dangerous combination.

Rose was kicking and punching to no avail as she was hauled down the alley. The Doctor was a brown blur when he rounded the corner moving with a speed no humanoid could match. Grabbing the thief by the throat he shook him like a rag doll until he let go of Rose. Without hesitation the Doctor lifted her attacker and tossed him down the alley where he slammed against a wall and fell still, like the rest of the refuse in the alley.

He was enraged when he turned to her angrily demanding, “How many times have I told you to be on guard, to stay alert at planetary markets Rose?”


End file.
